The Queen has requested that everybody with a knighthood attend a meeting at Windsor Castle. Speaking to the sizeable crowd of ageing actors and retired musicians, she explains why – The dragons are back, and she expects that every knight will do his duty.
Everyone turns and looks at Ian McKellen.
“Oh Christ,” he says. “If only Christopher Lee were still here. Then we might have a chance.”
Sir Terry Pratchett rises from the grave, delighted. This is his moment.
You are the greatest archeologist in the world and you have been looking for the City of Gold for decades, after all these years you have found the City. When you open the ancient gates you see glitters running towards you, the “gold” of the city has always been thousands of Golden Retrievers.
This is like city of gold 2.0… this is a heaven…this explains why people were looking for it forever
The first one is a woman who doesn’t know anything about the source material catering to the target demographic – i.e. straight men – so we can objectify her like the whore she is because she wouldn’t dress like that if she didn’t want us to look.
The second one is taking a well-written character and dumbing him down to pander to the small minority of women who understand technology enough to play video games, thus insulting us and robbing us of our steadily-dwindling supply of grizzled middle-aged white male action heroes.
But of course these libtard feminists can’t see the simple distinction.
… the hell??? Steadily-dwindling supply? OF WHITE MALE ACTION HEROS??
the universe: okay, you’re a human. I gave you free will and a conscious mind, so you’re free to do whatever you want. So what do you wanna do?
human: GO FAST
the universe: well, you’re a perfect pursuit predator but if that’s the way you want to evolve, go ahead.
human, climbing on a horse: GO FAST
the universe: wait what
human, inventing the carriage, the car and the bullet train: GO FASTER
the universe: I IMPLORE YOU TO STOP
human, trying to figure out lightspeed travel: FAS T ER
human:
THEORETICALLY MAXIMUM FAST
the universe:
How will the people in the ship not get gibbed?
Because the warp drive doesn’t actually accelerate the ship, it just makes the space in front of it smaller and the space behind it larger. Or something.
it works like this
Objects cannot accelerate to the speed of light within normal spacetime; instead, the Alcubierre drive shifts space around an object so that the object would arrive at its destination faster than light would in normal space without breaking any physical laws.
A WRINKLE IN TIME IS COMING TRUE
We gonna be surfing gravity waves!!
COWABUNGA SPACE DUDES!
I love how mankind’s solution to ftl is just to bend to rules of reality a little.
Universe: ok human, with the physical laws as they are you can’t go faster than the speed of light.
Humanity: ok, let me just figure out how to manipulate space time so I can go FASTER!
No harm to any religion. It’s just a lamp ads by an Australian company. However, it’s funny!
I’m going to cry 😂😂
Ahaha, the reason why Mohammad is specifically mentioned as not being able to be there is because in Islam, portrayals and portraits of Mohammad are forbidden. But they didn’t want to be seen as either hand waving him as at the table but not shown or as explicitly omitted.
So I was watching this new gameshow called “child support” and basically someone tries to answer questions right to win money if they get one wrong a child can save them if they know the answer (it’s a great funny game)
Anyway…one of the questions was ‘At MIT, if a student completes courses in archery, fencing, pistol shooting and sailing they can become a certified what?’
The answer was PIRATE !!!
Now all I can think about is Tony in his MIT days finding out this little fact and thinking hell yeah I wanna be a certified fucking pirate and so he completes all the courses, with the best and highest scores the school has ever seen, and also like of course he knows how to shoot a pistol and sail a boat, he’s a bloody Stark for christ sake!!! But he also wants a pirate buddy and he so he drags Rhodey along with him to each course and Rhodey my man, he beats Tony’s highest score in pistol shooting and his archery skills are on fire but Tony doesn’t mind coming second to his Rhodey bear and then finally!! They get their certificate/award and Rhodey looks down at it and is like
“Tones!! You never said we were training to be pirates, I would have learned the sail boat knots better!! Man I can’t believe you” but Tony just looks at him and shakes his head all with this massive smile on his face and then just whispers to Rhodey “we’re fricken certified pirates buddy” and then he and Rhodey burst into a fit of giggles because whilst it was fun pretending to be Captain America and his howling commandos that stopped being cool when they were five, but pirates? PIRATES?? YOU’RE NEVER TOO OLD TO BE A PIRATE
(also some time later when Tony finally meets Fury he’s a little jealous of the eye patch cause he could never pull it off himself and he always makes jokes about Fury being a pirate until one day the avengers are battling on a massive ship and they eventually win but they’re way out in the ocean and just wanna get home so Steve eventually takes command of the steering but then in their coms Furys voice is loud and clear for all to hear “Rogers this is the one and only time I’ll say this, but Tony Stark is more qualified to get this ship back to homeland…Cap’n Stark take the wheel” everyone’s faces are bewildered especially when Tony answers “Aye aye Sir” and commands the steering like he was born to do it, when the avengers ask why him?
Tony’s already got his pirate certificate out and proudly holding it up whilst getting Jarvis to take a photo of him and sending it to Rhodey with the caption ‘finally our time for pirating has come’
I NEED IT
i never asked to be immortal.
i never asked to be a hero.
all i wanted was to help someone
so that perhaps
for a moment
the ghosts in my mind
could be quiet
drowned out by the beat of my blood
by the rush of my rage.
but you see
legends never die
and heroes never grow old.
but you see
never dying
or growing old
or fading out like distant memories should
does not mean that you live forever.
but you see
they say heroes always do what’s right
but they do not say that
what is right by the world
is not always right by you
or by your heart
or by your lover––
i wish i had known before
i leapt up into the sky and became a star
but i suppose
that is why
they never say it
so that their heroes do not go insane ( j.p. ) || immortality, insanity, “doing what’s right” for @daenerystargaryensass (via pencap)
andtheytoldustotellyouhello 