We’ve bought a new house. And our new next door neighbours (two delightful gentlemen) will not stop being nice.
– bought us a seagull proof refuse bag (yes, they are actual things)
– loaned us garden tools when we didn’t have any
– invited us around for Friday night drinks so we could meet the other people on the lane
– one of them brought me a bunch of sweetpea flowers that he’d picked from his garden
– and tomorrow he’s coming to cut our hedge for us with his electric hedge trimmer thing idk, and all I have to do is hold the ladder.
Basically, I am UNSETTLED and am now having to enter into an arms race of niceness and I am already so behind oh god.
Long story short – I just baked a lemon drizzle cake, and it looks great but I can’t even eat it because MR AND MR NICE MUST RECEIVE AN OFFERING.
ABSOLUTE CRISIS I GAVE THEM THE LEMON DRIZZLE AND THEN THEY INVITED ME IN TO HAVE A SLICE AND A COFFEE WITH THEM AND GAVE ME A TOUR OF THEIR HOUSE AND LET ME HOLD THEIR PUPPY. AND THEN THEY CAME AROUND TO HELP ME BAG UP THE HEDGE CLIPPINGS. THESE MEN ARE NICENESS PROS AND I CANNOT WIN.
HELPWE HAD AN HOUR LONG POWER CUT ON THE STREET AND IN THAT TIME THE OTHER MR NICE CAME AROUND WITH MATCHES AND CANDLES ‘JUST IN CASE YOU DIDN’T HAVE ANY’. IT WAS BARELY DARK.
BASTARDS – I’M GOING TO HAVE TO HOST A DINNER PARTY AREN’T I?
The Gay Agenda, everyone.
this is fucking i n c r e d i b l e
Imagine your otps
Just so everyone knows –
Mr and Mr Nice moved out around Christmas time 2016. (Further proof that 2016 was a cursed year)
We are still in touch and have been to visit them in their new house. They moved to gain some land, they have sheep aspirations for some reason. I love them.
We have new neighbours. I am currently engaged in a slow burn of niceness, which you can bet that I am going to crank up to the max when we move down permanently in June.
I WILL BE THE NICE ONE THIS TIME. PRE-EMPTIVE STRIKE. NO MERCY.
I feel like this might be how the cycle started in the first place
WARNINGS! Suicidal thoughts and actions, mentions of death! If you are suicidal, and think this may be triggering, please exercise caution!
@olgalangdon requested: “second, you should make one with Arthur Dayne x Baratheon or Stark Reader where they are deeply in love but when the war starts Arthur breaks up with her to keep her safe. Really sad and when ned kills arthur he tells the reader and she drowns herself.”
{I changed the request slightly, and I hope that’s alright! Enjoy!}
The Queen has requested that everybody with a knighthood attend a meeting at Windsor Castle. Speaking to the sizeable crowd of ageing actors and retired musicians, she explains why – The dragons are back, and she expects that every knight will do his duty.
Everyone turns and looks at Ian McKellen.
“Oh Christ,” he says. “If only Christopher Lee were still here. Then we might have a chance.”
Dame Judi Dench stands up and cracks her knuckles. “Fine, then, if you’re all too chicken… come on, Maggie, let’s do this.”
Dame Helen Mirren is all over this. It’s her time to shine, and she is ready.
Eager to make sure the knights still have a part in the battle, Elton serenades the Dames’ victory with song, wearing his heraldic regalia from Kingsman 2.
The Queen has requested that everybody with a knighthood attend a meeting at Windsor Castle. Speaking to the sizeable crowd of ageing actors and retired musicians, she explains why – The dragons are back, and she expects that every knight will do his duty.
Everyone turns and looks at Ian McKellen.
“Oh Christ,” he says. “If only Christopher Lee were still here. Then we might have a chance.”
Dame Judi Dench stands up and cracks her knuckles. “Fine, then, if you’re all too chicken… come on, Maggie, let’s do this.”
Dame Maggie Smith grabs her wand from the Harry Potter movies that she stole. She exclaims that she will properly stab them in the eyes if she has to.
The Queen has requested that everybody with a knighthood attend a meeting at Windsor Castle. Speaking to the sizeable crowd of ageing actors and retired musicians, she explains why – The dragons are back, and she expects that every knight will do his duty.
Everyone turns and looks at Ian McKellen.
“Oh Christ,” he says. “If only Christopher Lee were still here. Then we might have a chance.”
“Oh, for fuck’s sake. Stand aside, you lot!”
The crowd of knights parts, revealing Dames Maggie Smith, Judy Dench and Helen Mirren, all of whom are dressed in leather and ready to fuck shit up.
“Honestly, Ian,” Maggie Smith mutters. “Really.”
As the Dames stride past a suitably chastened Ian McKellen, Michael Gambon produces a folding chair, a hip flask and an immensely pleased expression.
“Told you,” he says, taking a seat. “Did anyone bring any biscuits?”
Elton John roars up in a gilded Rolls Royce, McCartney in tow.
“Sorry I’m late. The phone reception was terrible. Something about giant reptiles? What are we waiting for? Come on Paul, let’s rock these crocodiles!”
The Queen has requested that everybody with a knighthood attend a meeting at Windsor Castle. Speaking to the sizeable crowd of ageing actors and retired musicians, she explains why – The dragons are back, and she expects that every knight will do his duty.
Everyone turns and looks at Ian McKellen.
“Oh Christ,” he says. “If only Christopher Lee were still here. Then we might have a chance.”
“Oh, for fuck’s sake. Stand aside, you lot!”
The crowd of knights parts, revealing Dames Maggie Smith, Judy Dench and Helen Mirren, all of whom are dressed in leather and ready to fuck shit up.
“Honestly, Ian,” Maggie Smith mutters. “Really.”
As the Dames stride past a suitably chastened Ian McKellen, Michael Gambon produces a folding chair, a hip flask and an immensely pleased expression.
“Told you,” he says, taking a seat. “Did anyone bring any biscuits?”
A tin appears in his peripheral vision, shiny and golden. He looks up to find a lopsided grin curling across the lips of Dame Diana Rigg, impish gleam in her eyes. “Your biscuits… Sir Michael?”
The Queen has requested that everybody with a knighthood attend a meeting at Windsor Castle. Speaking to the sizeable crowd of ageing actors and retired musicians, she explains why – The dragons are back, and she expects that every knight will do his duty.
Everyone turns and looks at Ian McKellen.
“Oh Christ,” he says. “If only Christopher Lee were still here. Then we might have a chance.”
Dame Judi Dench stands up and cracks her knuckles. “Fine, then, if you’re all too chicken… come on, Maggie, let’s do this.”
Dame Helen Mirran and Dame Julie Andrews have already brought the car around.
andtheytoldustotellyouhello 