Mace Windu takes his seat on the council and waits for the other members to join the session. Currently it’s only Ki Adi and Yoda who’ve joined him, both quiet and lost in their own thoughts. Mace isn’t about to bother either of them, not wanting to deal with Yoda and his constant rambling speeches that circle around and around, like an Albatross looking for land.
Today they’re discussing Obi-Wan Kenobi. The youngling who has a hard time controlling his temper and a harder time finding a Master. He’ll be thirteen soon, and from the way things are going, it doesn’t seem the young one will find anything within these temple walls.
Perhaps-
The thought stalls out before Mace can even finish it and he feels a shatterpoint begin to form. A shatterpoint that feels oddly familiar. It feels like-
Him.
There’s a burst of light and Mace finds himself staring up at….himself. Ki-Adi and Yoda both startle in their chairs, Ki-Adi drawing his saber on the intruder who he can only see from the back.
“Put that away before your hurt yourself.” Mace Windu says and turns to face Ki-Adi.
“What in the Sith!” Ki-Adi exclaims and then holsters his saber.
“Calm down.” Windu says, hands on his hips. "I came back through a shatterpoint to take care of some very urgent business.“
“Very urgent this must be.” Yoda croaks in his horrible little gremlin voice and Windu considers planting his fist in Yoda’s entire fucking face before opting against it. Punching the master of the order isn’t going to help him….yet.
“Only if you consider the obliteration of the Jedi Order urgent.” He snaps it at Yoda, pissed beyond belief at the sass he’s getting. Yoda’s ears perk up and he looks more alert than Windu ever remembers seeing him.
“The obliteration of the order?” Mace echoes it and shares a look with Ki-Adi. "What happened?“
“The fucking Sith happened.” Windu half shouts and waves his arms. "Motherfucking Sith are invading the motherfucking SENATE.“
“The senate?” Ki-Adi parrots and Windu snaps his head to glare at the man.
“Senator Sheev Palpatine.” Windu confirms. "He’s a Sith lord.“
“A very heavy accusation this is.” Yoda humms and Windu goes from mildly pissy to volcanic eruption.
“HE CUT OFF MY HANDS AND THREW ME OUT A FUCKING WINDOW.” Windu explodes. "I’LL SEE THAT ASSHOLE BURN IN THE DEEPEST PITS OF HELL BEFORE I LET HIM KILL ME AGAIN.“ Even Yoda goggles at him, mouth dropping open at having someone, anyone lift their voice at him in anger. It hasn’t happened in….Yoda doesn’t actually remember.
"How.” Ki-Adi clears his throat. "How we do stop that from happening.“
"The first step.” Windu says, voice dropping to a low angry growl. "Is to get that little shit Kenobi a master.“ He stabs a finger in Mace’s direction. "And NOT your wookie-fucking friend.”
“That was one time.” Mace says incredulously, taken aback at Windu’s anger at a man he thought they would both call friend. "And he’s just going through some hardships, he needs-“
"Qui-Gon Jinn needs SHIT.” Windu spits it. "He needs some fucking therapy is what he needs. If I come back here and find out you gave Kenobi to him I will be VERY unhappy.“ And as suddenly as he appeared he vanishes, leaving Mace alone with two other very confused members of the council.
XxX XxX
Mace tries.
He talks to the few Jedi Masters around the temple that don’t have Padawan’s to teach, even goes so far as to ask Master Dooku if he’d be willing to train a youngling with a case of anger issues.
No one wants the boy.
Mace is….just too busy. No really, with his new seat on the council he’s far too busy with paperwork and council meetings to even consider taking on a padawan, especially one as volatile as Obi-Wan Kenobi, who is being disciplined yet again for picking a fight with another youngling.
Whatever that child has against young Bruck, Mace hopes he can be reasoned with, and soon. Or he’s going to find himself aged out with no one to blame but himself.
Well. There’s always-
Pain explodes in his face and leaves him reeling, stumbling back and blinking away the stars as blood starts to pour from his newly broken nose.
"WHAT THE FUCK DID I TELL YOU?” Windu roars at him and Mace cups hands over his nose, staring at his older self with both apprehension and terror.
“I asked around.” He says, sounding nasily and annoyed. "No one wants the boy. He’s too quick to anger.“
"Too quick to anger my entire black ASS.” Windu says and Mace raises an eyebrow. "That boy is being bullied and no one gives a shit because you’re all too busy shoving your heads so far up your own asses you can taste your own shit.“
"Force, you’re full of profanity.” Mace says, glaring at his older self who slaps his hands out of the way and fixes his nose in one hard crunch of pain.
“You shut the hell up and go tell that boy you’re going to train him.”
“I’m too-” Windu has a handful of his robes, backing Mace up into the wall hard and fast and somehow LOOMING even though they’re the same damn height.
“The next words out of your sithdamned mouth had better be ’overjoyed to train Obi-Wan Kenobi’.” Windu snarls and Mace’s shoulders slump.
“I’ll see what I can do.” He mutters it and Windu vanishes like he’d never been there at all. "I really don’t like future me.“ He says to himself and then heaves a long sigh and goes to track down Obi-Wan.
XxX XxX
"I hear you’ve been having visitations.” Qui-Gon greets Mace during one of his very rare temple visits.
“I am and I hate him.” Mace grumbles into his caff.
“How can you hate him? He’s you.” Qui-Gon points out, like a bastard who’s never been punched in the face by his future self.
“He’s an asshole.” Mace says. "He punched me in the face and every second word out of his mouth is a profanity.“
"Well.” Qui-Gon cocks his head to the side and for a moment Mace can pretend the darkness that lives in Qui-Gon’s soul over the loss of Xanatos has lessened. "You must have done something to piss you off. Force knows I’ve wanted to punch you over the years.“
"Thanks for the vote of confidence.” Mace says dryly and Qui-Gon laughs for the first time since Xanatos fell. Force. It hurts to see his friend hurting and Mace takes a careful moment to consider-
“WHAT THE FUCK DID I SAY?”
“Oh come ON.”
“I honestly thought you were joking.” Qui-Gon says, looking wide eyed between the two Mace Windu’s. The older one isn’t much older, maybe thirty years or so, but he wears them well.
“I am so sorry.” Mace tells him and Qui-Gon raises an eyebrow in question and completly misses Windu’s fist.
He wakes up on the floor, groggy and covered in his own blood.
“You can’t just PUNCH people.”
“I CAN PUNCH WHOEVER I WANT YOU LITTLE ASSHOLE.”
“Look. I wasn’t going to-”
“No YOU look. I can only show up when you’re about to make a FUCKING DECISION that will lead to the FUCKING DESTRUCTION OF THE GODDAMN JEDI ORDER.”
“Do I do that?” Qui-Gon asks from where he’s staring up at the ceiling, fixated on a missing tile.
“You don’t fucking HELP matters.” Windu says, voice sharp. "Get your dumb ass up off the floor before someone mistakes you for garbage.“
"What do I do?” Qui-Gon asks again and Windu fucking growls at him, fixes Mace with a hard look, and vanishes. "Okay you’re right.“ Qui-Gon tells Mace who snorts out a laugh and goes to help him off the floor.
"Oh I don’t know. I’ve wanted to punch you over the years.” He echoes Qui-Gon’s words and earns a groan as Qui-Gon hauls himself up off the floor.
XxX XxX
“Talked to many masters we have.” Yoda says and Mace hunches over in his chair because if Yoda is about to say what he thinks, this is going to be a very bad council session. "Train the young Kenobi, none of them will. Too much anger he has.“
"He was always so promising.” Ki-Adi sighs it and Mace breaths out in relief that maybe, just maybe he can get through talking or thinking about Obi-Wan fucking Kenobi without his alternate self showing up to throw hands and yell, as if that’s going to solve problems.
The future must be a very bleak place.
“Talked with Obi-Wan, I have.” Yoda says. "Speak to Qui-Gon Ji-ACK.“ Yoda’s words cut off at the enormous Korun fist in his face.
"HOW MANY FUCKING TIMES DO I HAVE TO COME BACK HERE?” Windu roars it and then turns in a circle so he can address the whole council. "HOW GODDAMN HARD IS IT TO FOLLOW ONE FUCKING RULE? DO. NOT. GIVE. OBI-WAN KENOBI. TO. QUI-GON. MOTHERFUCKING. JINN. YOU DENSE MOTHERFUCKERS MIGHT AS WELL SEND A FORMAL FUCKING SURRENDER TO SHEEV PALPATINE.“
"Oh fuck my entire life.” Mace mutters it, drawing a startled look from Kit sitting to his left. "Fine. Fine. I’ll train the boy.“
"This had better be the last fucking time I come back here.” Windu warns in a low, mean voice and then he’s gone. You could hear a pin drop in the council chambers until Yoda sniffs.
“Bleeding, I am.”
XxX XxX
Mace scowls all the way down to the creche, scowls all the way through picking up Obi-Wan, who looks equally sullen even though he’s finally been taken on as a Padawan. Together they scowl all the way back to the new rooms Mace has taken, already missing his single suite.
“I have to go take care of some things for the council.” Mace says, not even looking at his new padawan for fear of resenting him. "I’ll be back by the evening bell.“
"Yes Master Windu.” Obi-Wan says, as if having a Master is some horrible obscure punishment. Should have given him to-
“Finish that thought and I will kill you and take your place.” Windu hisses in his ear, making Mace jump like a frightened cat.
“Why are you here?” Mace demands, trying and failing to calm his pounding heart. "I took the boy didn’t I? I’m training him just like you wanted.“ Rather than respond, Windu shoves him out of the way and then goes down onto one knee in front of the boy.
"Hello young Kenobi.” Windu’s face brightens with a smile and to Mace’s surprise the boy goes from sullen storm cloud to a bright little sunbeam.
“Hi Master Windu. I knew you were real, even if no one else did.”
“Well of course I’m real.” Windu reaches out and ruffles Obi-Wan’s hair, tugging gently on the boy’s ear to make him laugh. "I’m just from another point in time, that’s all.“
"Thank you for finding me a Master.” Obi-Wan says and then his voice lowers and Mace can barely make out what he’s saying.
“Youngling.” Windu’s voice goes impossible fond, the way Mace remembers talking to Deepa when she’d first moved to their new quarters and she’d had bad dreams. "Everything is going to be alright. I promise.“
"Okay.” Obi-Wan’s voice goes small and he darts forward suddenly, circling his arms around Windu’s neck in a tight hug. Windu wraps him up in a hug, holding on until Obi-Wan draws back first, rubbing at his cheeks like he’s trying to keep Mace from seeing his tears. "Thank you.“
"Of course.” Windu says and then gently bumps Obi-Wan’s chin with a knuckle. "Chin up young Kenobi. You’re future is as bright as the sunrise.“ And then he’s gone and Mace is left with Obi-Wan who sniffles wetly.
Mace swallows the urge to heave a long, endless sigh at how his life is turning out and drops to one knee, tugging out a handkercheif and wiping down Obi-Wan’s wet cheeks. "There’s no need for tears, padawan.”
“’M Sorry for crying.” Obi-Wan’s eyes drop and he shuffles his feet, like he’s waiting for Mace to administer a punishment for having the ever dreaded emotions.
“It’s fine.” Mace says and then gives into the urge to sigh. "Would you like to meditate?“ He asks, mentally reshuffling his afternoon.
"I’d like that very much.” Obi-Wan says and he feels like a beacon of brightness in the force. "Thank you Master.“
"Alright.” Mace gets to his feet. "Let me show you where the mats and incense are.“
A movie where a mostly average dude accidentally stumbles across a valuable magical artifact, which is a key piece of contention in a war between the forces of good and evil. The forces of evil attack his home, and the confused man is nearly killed, but is rescued from certain death by a mysterious, beautiful young woman.
The young woman takes him to a secret hideout, where her father, a wise old wizard, has been secreting away key weapons and artifacts so that the forces of darkness cannot destroy them. The young woman proceeds to get into an argument with her father. Legends tell of a champion of the light, who is destined to rise up and use the tools that they have been hiding to defeat the darkness. The young woman has been training with most of these tools for all of her life, and now, as they have obtained the last artifact, she feels it is imperative that they act. The darkness will come for them. They cannot simply wait for that to happen.
But the wise old wizard rebukes her. She is arrogant to think that she is the legendary champion. Destiny often works in more subtle ways, and destiny has brought to them another option: the random dude she just rescued.
Disgusted, the daughter storms off. The random dude moves to go after her, but the old wizard stops him. His daughter is headstrong, and she is passionate. She wishes to fight, but she must learn patience, and appreciation for other paths in life. The old wizard has had more time to appreciate the paths of fate. The random dude has much potential – though of course, he doubts it and refutes it, baffled but unable to leave for fear of being tracked down by the forces of darkness again.
The next day, the old wizard announces that it is time to begin his training.
The random dude goes through precisely one day of gruelling magical/physical tutelage, and then books it to where the daughter is still brooding by a waterfall. Last night he saw this chick suplex a motorcycle and summon up a wall of fire with her bare hands. Dude is not an idiot. He is not going to match the skills of someone who has spent a lifetime training at this stuff, no matter how sexist her father is. He makes a suggestion – he’ll distract the old man with training montages, while the daughter takes all the mystical artifacts and goes to defeat the forces of darkness. It’s the perfect plan! Even if the forces of darkness are still after them, and they come here, then he and the old wizard can serve as a red herring. Meanwhile, the daughter can do whatever she thinks she needs to do to defeat them!
For about five minutes the daughter waffles, because maybe that is arrogant, to think that she is a legendary hero. She’s been living her whole life with the Wizard of Undermining Women’s Contributions, after all.
But the random really is a good dude, so rather than deciding he must have a Destiny, or explaining that her father is probably just trying to protect her, or asking him to help learn instead, he clasps her shoulder and looks her in the eye and is just like:
“You flip-kicked a truck. Normal people can’t do that. So I’m thinking you deserve the benefit of the doubt.”
The daughter concedes his point. After all, she saw him struggling to carry those two buckets up the hidden mountain, and her dad’s not even making him try to do it with his mind yet.
They go through with the plan. The daughter steals all the artifacts/weapons and then has another ‘fight’ with her father, which prompts him to seal all the locks on the already-empty treasure room. Announcing her intention to go sulk, she then takes the mystical items of destiny and fucks off on an epic quest to defeat the forces of darkness.
Occasionally we cut back to the random dude still training with the old wizard. This is the comic relief portion of the film, featuring various hijinks as the dude tries to keep the wizard from discovering that all the mystical artifacts are gone and that his daughter isn’t still just hanging out by the waterfall or in her room or something. Occasionally the wizard wants to find her to help with the training or because ‘nothing motivates a man like a beautiful woman’, and the dude just has to keep dodging it.
Meanwhile the daughter gets the action hero plotline, recruiting new allies and engaging in dangerous, pitted battles across various harrowing landscapes. She bonds with a love interest and wrestles with the temptation to join the forces of darkness, but ultimately finds her great internal reason to fight, beyond the burning desire to prove herself or meet impossible standards.
Of course, for the dramatic climax the forces of darkness attack the hidden sanctuary where her father and dude are. The daughter and her allies rush to defend the place, as the old wizard tells random dude to take his daughter and flee, while he holds off the forces of darkness. Random dude finally explains, however, that the old wizard’s daughter has been gone this entire time. And rather than dying in a spectacular last-stand, the old wizard is stumped as his newest pupil helps hold off the attacking forces long enough for the fully-equipped and supplied champions of light, led by the daughter, to arrive and defeat the armies of darkness before the sacred sanctuary is overtaken and destroyed.
Afterwards, the old wizard is shocked at first. But then he nods sagely to himself. Of course, the random dude was the hero after all – if he had not stayed, then surely the sanctuary would have been lost. His actions led the old wizard’s daughter to victory, and surely now that they have been reunited, the random dude will take his rightful place as a champion of the light. And also probably marry the wizard’s daughter, and produce a suitable male heir…
Everyone basically just tunes him out as the random dude and the daughter fistbump, and the dude sags in relief when the daughter explains that he can go home now and then drops like a sack full of gold into his arms to try and compensate him for all the trouble.
so the trailer for miss hokusai advertised one type of
movie, and then the actual movie was …. something else entirely. but the
trailer gave me ideas, so here they
are:
there is girl –
no.
there is woman –
no.
there is a young woman, an old girl, and she has the eyes of
youth but the weight upon her shoulders is that of age. or perhaps it is the
other way around. perhaps she has the eyes of age, but upon her shoulder is the
weightlessness of youth, of ignorance.
there she is, whatever she is.
her name is kana.
she is the daughter of a famous painter, known as juro. he
is a man larger than life, and he paints wonderful things. he takes what is
ugly, and makes it beautiful. he paints an unhandsome woman as a goddess, a
sneering merchant as a king, a dirty city as a glowing capitol. he leaves all
he touches brighter than it was found.
kana is not like her father.
she is a painter, but she is not famous. she has a mother
she doesn’t speak to, and younger sister she visits as much as she can. she has
pushed them both aside to follow her father, to sit with him in dirty shacks
putting ink to paper as she does her best to make beautiful things. she throws
off the expectations of her gender, of her station, of anything and everything
in her pursuit to be a master painter.
technique is easy. she completes half of her father’s
painting while he drinks, while he whores, while he seduces lords and ladies,
while he paints empty things for empty people, while he leaves her alone in
their dirty shacks. she can do the detail work, has a steady hand and a sharp
eye, but when it comes to the whole picture – it is left lacking.
“her work lacks your beauty,” an old man says, talking to
her old father while she kneels in the corner, ink staining her hands, the
floor, ink just – staining.
“of course it does,” her father says, offhand. “how can she
paint what she does not know?”
kana never expected lack of knowledge to be her downfall.
so that night when her father is gone, she does not stay in
to work. instead kana paints her face, wears a kimono that’s too small on her,
and goes to the worst part of the city, to where the alleyways and walls are
stained red by the glow of the lanterns.
i need my characters to trust/accept help from my cannibal character but he literally just ripped someones face off and the others are generally against that sort of thing
why would he need their consent. he’s their friend now. he doesn’t care if it’s mutual.
Someone caused a worldwide event which killed a good chunk of the population and gave some of the survivors superpowers, but i dont know who
an unpaid intern
if the vampires do the kidnapping, what are you blackmailing the werewolves to do?
erotic boudoir photography
My MC has just discovered that her new lover is a were-sheep (a sheep-shifter). After the expected confusion and dismay, what would she do?
hide her knitting supplies to avoid misunderstandings
It’s going to involve a huge quest with people picking up friends along the way- but I can’t decide where it begins.
in line at the deli
the sheep-shifter already knows about the knitting
a spirited debate about whether anything made with sheep-shifter wool is actually just a gross hair sweater
I’ve got an MC who’s technically undead but her gf is mortal and does ‘die’ while saving her, how do I explain the mortal gf coming back to life after literally being dead for like 10 minutes
undeath, like life, is sexually transmitted
If you’re still doing this, my mc has magical powers that I’m not 100 sure on yet, but basically she’s telepathically connected to what amounts to a demon and it’s slowly taking over her life and mind. I’ve been describing it as her “Gift” but I’m pretty sure it has a physical form and I can’t figure out what it should be.
tamagotchi keychain
I’m doing something with a buncha undead people working at a modern-day bodega, and I’m like … running out of different kinds of things for characters to be?
invent something new and have them be really bitter about the fact that no one has ever heard of the thing that they are
I’m trying to write a self-insert fic but I can’t imagine my reaction to being placed in the main character’s situation to be anything but hiding under a bed and crying from stress for a month straight.
let you
one of my characters has a crush on another character but is both bad at being a person talking to other people and also is trying to solve a murder. how do I make them kiss
they just kinda go for it at an intense moment and it’s ill-advised and awkward
the heir/estate of some semi-important historical person has donated a large amount of mildly interesting historical junk to a museum. a coven of evil vampires desperately wants one of the items. what is it, and why is it important to the vampires?
an embarrassing painting
I have a bad guy that needs to learn how to court a good girl.
check her goodreads for romances she rated highly and then read them
Two characters who bodyswap communicate solely via leaving notes in each other’s phones– why dont they just call each other??
they both have social anxiety
Okay so my plot so far is that the story takes place in a post- apocalyptic faerie-inspired world, and my main characters run like a tavern together. The only problem is, they don’t have anything to do…
someone left a baby in the bathroom and they don’t know if it’s supposed to be a changeling
why can’t my vaguely little mermaid like character just not live near water instead of being stuck with a constant uncomfortable reminder of her past
land madness
My MC managed to find his best friend attempting to summon her father’s ghost in the graveyard after an argument, but it’s having a bad effect on the other ghosts and I can’t work out why.
they’re trying to sleep
i have a character that just wants to be left alone but i need him to join a group of people he dislikes to go on some sort of epic quest. how do i make him do the thing
he was told there would be cupcakes
Stubborn peasant lady drags weird fairy dude on a quest to retrieve her baby (stolen by different fairies) but I can’t decide how she/they should get the baby back
offer to trade a spare baby. this also solves your spare baby problem.
My MC needs to secretly smuggle a sentient AI out of a secure facility, but the AI’s brain is the size of a house. How???
one chip at a time, shoved in their pants
I want the mermaids to be good so I don’t want them to just attack all the ships but how would they know which ships are “bad”?
they smell off
My preteen-teenage MC hates christmas, why?
she’s a pagan communist
How does my MC’s brother get kidnapped? Because his kidnappers are a bunch of tiny humans and he is a big bad dragon who will not hesitate to set someone on fire.
he was told there would be cupcakes
So there’s this group of characters, mages and warriors and such, who work under a good lich and hunt down evil mages and necromancers. Recently, their lich leader has begun to weaken, but why?
the power of friendship has given them a newfound zest for life and it’s unkilling them
andtheytoldustotellyouhello 