consider: au where tony gets fed the fuck up by howard comparing him to steve and just decides “u want me to be captain america? SURE THING” and just. makes his own suit (light and armoured so he can actually take more than one hit) and his own shield (its not vibranium but it’s good enough for him, it can bounce once or twice and can do some serious damage) and just. goes out and fights crime like that.
he gets on the news, he’s in a mask so no one knows who he is and. Howard is Pissed he thinks its so fucking rude for someone to “take” cap’s image like that so tony doesn’t tell anyone, but keeps doing it because it’s fun and he’s helping people and sure maybe this started as a way to spite howard but it very quickly becomes more than that.
he stops when he moves out to malibu because he is a fair distance from LA and captain America is really more of an east coast thing.
and then he’s iron man and he’s his own superhero but this time its less about the rush or helping people or giving howard the biggest middle finger ever but the desperate need to fix things and, he doesn’t forget about it, but it does feel… unimportant. kind of silly, even.
and then Steve, the real captain america, is defrosted, and for some reason, SHIELD shows him the old articles and rare footage of the vigilante cap. of Tony, even though no one knows it was him.
(well, coulson probably knows. He did find Tony’s old prototype shield, after all, but if he does, he hasn’t said anything.)
And, well, its not like tony ever pretended to be the real cap, he’s still way too short for that, doo differently built, and he expects a lot of reactions from Cap but pride? of this person he doesn’t even know is currently sitting beside him?
he’s not expecting that.
(Steve thinks it’s fantastic that this person took up the mantle as a genuine way to help people. He especially thinks it’s great because the fact that this guy running around in a home-made cap costume, punching muggers in the face and getting punched right back, so completly and visibly human, swearing when he gets hit a little too hard, made people a little less star-struck upon meeting him.)
(the student from Boston and the kid from Brooklyn were never that different)
And. It’s not like he’s keeping it a secret at this point either? Everyone already knows he’s iron man the fact that he was a small-time vigilante when he was a kid is going to surprise exactly no one.
But he also doesn’t tell anyone. Just kinda goes “oh hey peggy almost certainly knew, coulson probably knows and so does fury, they probably told Steve) except. No, steve does not know.
Also the vigilante thing? Almost no one outside of Boston knew about it. It was a Boston Thing. The only reason howard, back in New York knew, is because he’s more than a little obsessed with all things captain America.
So when Steve joins the team? Oh yeah he’s gonna dig out his box of old stuff because hey, that outfit shield made him? It sucks. Tony’s certainly isn’t going to fit steve but hey, he can still use the design/materials, and the magnetic shield recaller doesn’t really need any adjustments to fit.
(Of course, tony had a lot more tech than that, like bracers so he didn’t break his hand punching somthing stronger than he was, maybe some sort of rudementry HUD? But Steve doesn’t really need any of that)
(He also had a motor bike. Hey, he had to get around somehow.)
(He should not have been allowed to have a motorbike)
And sure, this is a fun AU. It’s not that angsty yet. But, Tony’s still going out to fight criminals and he’s still extremely, painfully, human. He’s gonna get hurt. He’s gonna get hurt a lot.
And, maybe the reason no one figures it out is because he’s not exactly the most loved person on campus. He gets beat up a lot even without seeking out fights. He comes back with a black eye and bruised ribs? Rhodey’s gonna sigh and help him out but he’s not gonna ask because unfortunately, this is normal.
(The larger wounds, tony takes care of himself. The one time, before he upgraded the costume, someone pulled a knife and managed to open a slice down his arm, he stitched himself and told everyone who asked it was an accident with some sheet metal.)
(The few concussions, he pretends to have come home from a party very, very drunk. Everyone buys it.)
(Fortunately, no one ever tried to shoot him.)
(The armor wasn’t bulletproof quite yet)
ROWAN NO
IM NOT GONNA MAKE IT ANGSTY I PROMISE THIS ONE IS SAFE for now
But I feel like they find out bc it’s Halloween. And there’s a party. And costumes are mandatory. No, they don’t figure it out because he shows up in his old cap suit. (He’s bulked up a little since MIT, but unfortunately he’s still mostly the same height, so it still fits.)
They find out because the party gets attacked and instead of trying to get into a suit he just. Goes at it as-is. Everyone is confused tony what the fuck where did you learn to fight like that how are you doing that with the shield what-
And then there’s many questions about why he had a cap suit specifically designed for someone who does not have super strength.
Okay so basically Peggy knew and went “okay if my godson is gonna run around like Cap might as well teach him to fight properly?” and then taught him how to disable a man with nothing but a paper clip and a high heel?
I just imagined Tony rolling into a meeting on a scooter with a cup of bubble tea late like “sup idiots” bitternessTM but then
I imagined a tapioca bubble just shot up his straw and hit the back of his throat so he started choking and it ruined the effect
LMAO but can I make it Heelys for added crack???
Tony slides into the conference room on his heels, wheels whirring and shoes flashing yellow and red lights. “Sup, idiots,” he says, one hand clutching a cup of bubble tea and the other holding his phone, which he is tapping at rapidly with his thumb.
Steve scowls. “Stark, the world is in danger! Can’t you take this seriously?!”
“Sorry, I can’t hear you over how seriously I was taking it when I was trying to tell you that it was coming and you all thinking I was paranoid,” Tony tells him, and takes a slurp of tea obnoxiously.
Steve almost feels sorry until Tony makes a terrible hacking sound. “What the fuck.”
Natasha slams a fist into Tony’s back as she walks past him. “Should have stuck to Starbucks.”
Tony hacks up the tapioca pearl. “I had ten caffeine pills for breakfast because I haven’t slept in three days.”
Natasha looks vaguely horrified but also impressed. “Honestly surprised your heart is still beating.”
“You know it’s quite possible it’s not? Or it’s beating so fast I can’t tell,” Tony admits, turning his attention back to his phone.
“Who are you texting?” Clint asks snidely, leaning his cheek on his hand. “The entirety of the US armed forces? The president?”
“I’m playing Iron Flaps. It’s like Flappy Bird except it’s Iron Man.” Tony takes another obnoxious slurp of his bubble tea and chokes again.
Sam looks pale. “Someone take that away from him before he actually dies.”
“‘s what I’m trying for, my man,” Tony says, giving him a finger gun with the hand holding the tea. “Because if I’m dead I don’t have to worry about this. And if I choke on a tapioca pearl it’s an accident and not suicide.”
“He’s technically correct,” Vision admits. “Although one might argue–”
“Shhh, let me live–HIGH SCORE, BITCHES!” He shoves his phone in Wanda’s face, then brings it back to start a new game. “Anyway if any of you have any ideas that don’t include me that would be great because I’m actually busy.”
“Tony,” Steve begins, appalled.
Tony tilts his head. “Oh. And also I hate you. So. Please consider that when you come up with a plan.” He takes one last obnoxious slurp, doesn’t choke, and then flings the cup so it smacks into Steve’s head and explodes milk tea and tapioca pearls all over him, Sam, and Wanda. “Well, it was terrible seeing you and I actually have a fucking job so bye.”
Natasha watches him leave, heelies whirring and flashing, and tries not to laugh, because he’d clearly only shown up so he could throw bubble tea at Steve. Steve still looked a little shell-shocked. She figured Tony had gotten his point across.
And because I link bubble tea with outrageous fashion glasses for some reason:
And also:
((and I forgot what outfit I first drew Tony in))
You forgetting what outfit he was wearing originally just means he threw bubble tea at Steve twice. (And he fell for it. Twice.)
like honestly yall understand how important it is that rhodey basically does.not.give. a flying fuck about steve’s military status like hell rhodey probably doesnt even see him as a fellow soldier; i love the headcanons of rhodey & steve (&/or bucky) engaging in healthy air force vs army banter but like ??? rhodey probably doesnt even consider steve an actual military person ??? much less someone ??? superior to him ????
I see that and raise rhodey being like “he didn’t even earn his title tony. they gave him it. tony. TONY. TONY YOU’RE NOT LISTENING.”
lets keep going on this; imagine young rhodey getting invited to a dinner with the stark family & having to endure howard stark going on for hours about his Honorable Army Soldier Friend Steve Rogers who was just about the Epitome of A Good Soldier & rhodey going absent-mindlessly like “but wasnt he just given his title tho?” & tony nearly choking on his water bc of the look howard gives rhodey later; rhodey doesnt catch on it & he continues “yeah i mean, i just learned all of this recently but he was basically given the title so it sounded pretty when he toured in that fancy, colorful outfit” & like, they all sat mute in the dinner afterwards
re: rhodey first meets the avengers post battle and steve is obviously gearing up for a Big Speech but before he even opens his mouth rhodey is just “so like, is it an army thing?” and steve is just like “what?” “every time you throw a punch at a fake actor you get a rank.”
But omg even more though, Rhodey having the other WWII soldiers on high regard and like going on longwinded rants about them every time somebody talks about Captain America. Like “Captain America marched into the base and -” “Yeah that’s great but DID YOU KNOW THAT GABE MCFUCKIN JONES CAUGHT ARNIM ZOLA THOUGH?? LIKE, did you know about the real MVP?”. And dinners at the Stark household are horrible because Howard has all these stories about Steve but Rhodey knows them all and jumps in with counter points about the other soldiers who fought their way through and didn’t have the serum. Any time the 200 Hitler punches are mentioned Rhodey twitches and Tony leans back with a muffled laugh because there goes Rhodey talking about war propaganda and OMFG MR. STARK CAN WE TALK ABOUT LITERALLY ANYONE WHO HAS ACTUALLY PUNCHED THE GUY INSTEAD OF AN ACTOR?! AND HE GOT A RANK FOR IT, LIKE DO YOU EVEN KNOW WHAT IT TAKES TO –
Tony tries to record it the fifth time it happens. It’s the only video involving his dad that he likes.
So I was watching this new gameshow called “child support” and basically someone tries to answer questions right to win money if they get one wrong a child can save them if they know the answer (it’s a great funny game)
Anyway…one of the questions was ‘At MIT, if a student completes courses in archery, fencing, pistol shooting and sailing they can become a certified what?’
The answer was PIRATE !!!
Now all I can think about is Tony in his MIT days finding out this little fact and thinking hell yeah I wanna be a certified fucking pirate and so he completes all the courses, with the best and highest scores the school has ever seen, and also like of course he knows how to shoot a pistol and sail a boat, he’s a bloody Stark for christ sake!!! But he also wants a pirate buddy and he so he drags Rhodey along with him to each course and Rhodey my man, he beats Tony’s highest score in pistol shooting and his archery skills are on fire but Tony doesn’t mind coming second to his Rhodey bear and then finally!! They get their certificate/award and Rhodey looks down at it and is like
“Tones!! You never said we were training to be pirates, I would have learned the sail boat knots better!! Man I can’t believe you” but Tony just looks at him and shakes his head all with this massive smile on his face and then just whispers to Rhodey “we’re fricken certified pirates buddy” and then he and Rhodey burst into a fit of giggles because whilst it was fun pretending to be Captain America and his howling commandos that stopped being cool when they were five, but pirates? PIRATES?? YOU’RE NEVER TOO OLD TO BE A PIRATE
(also some time later when Tony finally meets Fury he’s a little jealous of the eye patch cause he could never pull it off himself and he always makes jokes about Fury being a pirate until one day the avengers are battling on a massive ship and they eventually win but they’re way out in the ocean and just wanna get home so Steve eventually takes command of the steering but then in their coms Furys voice is loud and clear for all to hear “Rogers this is the one and only time I’ll say this, but Tony Stark is more qualified to get this ship back to homeland…Cap’n Stark take the wheel” everyone’s faces are bewildered especially when Tony answers “Aye aye Sir” and commands the steering like he was born to do it, when the avengers ask why him?
Tony’s already got his pirate certificate out and proudly holding it up whilst getting Jarvis to take a photo of him and sending it to Rhodey with the caption ‘finally our time for pirating has come’
andtheytoldustotellyouhello 