A sitcom about the modern Greek gods where everyone is wildly miscast
Zeus is played by Michael Cera
šššš Hephaestus is Nikolaj Coster-Waldau
@seerofbirds has cast Danny DeVito as Aphrodite and @qrowxiii has cast Eddie Murphy as Ares, so this is shaping up to be a pretty great TV pitch and if anyone from Hollywood is reading this, could you also consider casting Dwayne āthe Rockā Johnson as Hermes and Christopher Walken as Apollo, thanks.
Hera is Oscar Isaac because are you really going to cheat on Oscar Isaac, Michael Cera? Really? Youād do that? Youād look at that manās face and chase tail somewhere else, Michael Cera, you sack of shit?
Iām dying this is fantastic I NEED THE WHOLE CAST
Hades is Whoopi Goldberg and Persephone is Jeff Goldblum and Demeter is Julie Andrews. Their interplay makes up 70% of the film and is all improvised.
Athena is played by Amy Schumer (thanks anon!) and she defeats her enemies by being incredibly loud and annoying and plagiarising all their tactics and eventually they just give up in irritation. She only has 3 minutes of screen time and no dialogue. Thank fuck.
Heracles is played by Jesse Eisenberg because Michael Cera got to be Zeus. Sometimes they swap roles. No-one notices.
Poseidon is played by Daniel Craig but his only scene is when he reenacts the famous Bond scene with speedos.
Artemis is played by Robert Pattinson and all his lines are just slightly amended from Twilight. Dionysus is played by Helen Mirren. It is perhaps the only apt casting in the film.
To clarify, Hestia is absolutely played by Charles Dance, whose costume includes an apron which gets progressively dirtier throughout the series.
In the sitcom, which precedes the feature film and which focuses on certain myths every episode, Narcissus is played by John Goodman. Echo is played by Billy Crystal.Ā
Other episodes include the story of Eros and Psyche, played respectively by Jane Fonda and Shirley MacLaine, the story of Daedalus and Icarus, played respectively by Reese Witherspoon and Laura Dern, and the story of Zeus overthrowing Cronus, in which Michael Cera as Zeus must defeat Cronus, as played by John Cena, in a battle of wits and muscle. Astonishingly, he wins.
this is all very good gud
but who is perseus and medusa? jason , Midas, circe, media, please I NEED TO KNOW
These are very important questions and I will answer them immediately.
Perseus and Medusa are played by Andy Samberg and Glenn Howerton. All their scenes together are just them one upping each other with improvised insults.
Jason and Medea are played by John Boyega and Meryl Streep, and all their scenes are so beautifully acted that they both get nominated for Oscars, despite the fact that one of Jasonās lines is āare you trying to fleece me out of the golden fleece?ā, to which Medea replies āme, fleece you? Oh no, me dear.ā
Midas is played by Steve Buscemi, obviously. For no discernible reason, everything he touches does not turn to gold, but copper alloy. This is possibly due to budget cuts. Due to their on screen chemistry, he bizarrely has several buddy cop style scenes with Jeff Goldblumās Persephone.
Circe does not appear. If she did, she would be played by Audrey Hepburn, using that creepy CGI from the Galaxy adverts, but her estate refuse to give their permission.
Important updates:
(Anonymous suggests: Kelsey Asbille Chow playing Achilles, Michelle Obama is Thetis, Danny Trejo as Helen, Terry Crewes as Paris, and Adrien Brody as Hector. olvmpos says: Ganymede is played by Arnold Schwarzenegger, and regularly benchpresses Michael Cera.)
Hey @teashoesandhair Iām not saying that I felt inspired and sketched Whoopi Goldberg and Jeff Goldblum as Hades and Persephone but thatās exactly what Iām saying
OH GOD THIS IS PERFECTION. THANK YOU. JUST THANK YOU. PHENOMENAL.
YOUāRE WELCOME BUT ALSO PLEASE HELP COS I CANāT STOP
THIS IS GOING TO BE THE POSTER FOR THE SERIES, YOU HEAR ME
Iām mad that people are just reblogging the first post here because YOUāRE MISSING OUT ON THE MOST INCREDIBLE ARTWORK YOUāLL EVER SEE
Okay, I gotta ask, whoās the Hyacinthus to Christopher Walkenās Apollo?
I can already hear Apolloās relevant lines in Walkenās distinct cadence, but I wanna know who heās cradling, devastated, while crying out in anguish and also pausing at all the wrong places.
What a great question, and it brings me absolute joy to reveal to you that itās Jackie Chan. He does all his own stunts. There is only one stunt, and itās him collapsing into Christopher Walkenās arms. For some reason, there are explosions.
Okay I know we always go on about Marvelās uncanny casting ability.Ā
But if you thought they were the only ones, let me draw your attention to this man:
Viggo Mortensen, aka Aragorn son of Arathorn, aka Sexiest Ranger in Middle Earth
would hike, often for more than a day, to remote filming locations, in costume, for the sake of authenticity
was the best swordsman Bob Anderson (swordsmaster/instructor for LotR, Pirates of the Caribbean, etc) says he has ever trained
occasionally writes poetry (more book!canon than film!canon but um hello)
does all his own stunts
lived all over and speaks about 23940209384 languages
you know that scene at the end of Fellowship when heās fighting the Uruk-hai? And one throws a dagger at him and he hits it away with his sword? Yeah, the guy who threw it was supposed to miss, but accidentally threw it directly at Viggo. Who just casually Aragorned and hit it away.Ā
They actually cast Aragorn to play Aragorn
Can I just add a few things?
Would randomly give chocolates to the hobbits
According to John Rhys-Davis (aka Gimli), whenever you have a large cast, one or two actors will naturally become the leaders. Guess who ended up in that role.
Single-handedly convinced cast and crew to camp out to shoot a scene in the sunrise
Once hit a wild rabbit with his car by accident. Promptly stopped his car and went to see if the rabbit was dead, needed a vet or if the only merciful thing to do was to finish killing him. The rabbit was dead. Viggo realized he was hungry. So he took the rabbit, made a fire by the roadside and ate it.
According to cast and crew, sometimes youād just see him disappear in the middle of the night and suddenly heād come back with fish heād caught
Had his sword with him at all times. Slept with once.
The best horse rider of the cast, hands down. Rides better than lots of pros, according to a horse trainer. Couldnāt bear to part with his horse at the end of the shooting, so he bough him. The next movie of his also involved horses, and he bought his horse in that one, too.
Knows how to survive in the wild. Iām not kidding.
Hand-stitched a few things in his costume for an authenticĀ āI live away from civilizationā Ranger feel. Also told the weapons department to make him a small bow becauseĀ āAragorn lives in the wild, he needs a hunting bow, or heāll starve to deathā – literally nobody else had thought about that. Also requested a small stone to sharpen his sword. Suggested that Aragorn would take Boromirās arm guards after his death.Ā
Speaking of hand-stitching, once he was touring Japan with a reporter for an article. Walked into a store, took a tshirt, bought it, cut off the print and hand-stitched it into the hat he was wearing. The reporter was goingĀ ā?????????ā the entire time.
Peter Jackson literally sometimes called him Aragorn by accident
Would you like to hear the story of how Viggo got cast in LoTR?
So, production gets started and the actor originally cast to play Aragorn dropped out and now threās a pickle cause you need Aragorn.Ā So someone in production gets in touch with Viggo and after a conversation, he hangs up and his son Henry asks, āWhat was that about?Ā Was that about LoTR?ā
Turns out Henry was a huge fan of the books and is pretty much the reason Viggo took the job.
Not to be that gal but Winona (you know which one) has been someone who has been constantly vilified by Hollywood int he past 1 and a half decade to see her rise in limelight again with Stranger Things is like exhilarating after everything but also I wanna point out the fact that before all these leaks and all Winona very openly spoke about people like Johnny Depp being abusive assholes and Mel Gibson being an anti Semitic and homophobic bastard so like, half of the people who are now writing reports on Hollywood abuse scandals made fun of her claims or belittled her before
āI was with my friend, whoās gay. [Mel Gibson] made a really horrible gay joke. And somehow it came up that I was Jewish.Ā He said something about āoven dodgers,ā but I didnāt get it [right away],ā Ryder admits of the slur, an ugly reference to the gas chambers employed to murder millions of Jewish prisoners at the camps during the Holocaust. āIād never heard that before. It was just this weird, weird moment. I was like, āHeās anti-Semitic and heās homophobic.ā No one believed me!ā
āToday on Strange Phenomena, we examine this disturbing habitat. This human has the Bizzare Behavior of doing absolutely nothing productive during much of his life. But on days when a Big Projectā¢ is to be done, he is doing everything butĀ that project. Almost as if avoiding and denying. Even little things that donātĀ need fixing. Itās a phenomenon heās survived this long in his life.ā
andtheytoldustotellyouhello 