Vision has no hair anywhere on his body–no armpit hair, no eyebrows, no eyelashes. No fingernails. His skin tastes like metal. Sometimes, he forgets to breathe for minutes or hours at a time.
Captain Marvel smells like burning. When you touch her, your hand comes away cold because she’s absorbed your body heat. If she gets cut, she bleeds light. She can tell you what the inside of an explosion feels like.
Bruce Banner vomits after de-hulking. His skin is always red and peeling. He looks sick, like he has a fever, and he ingests more medication than actual food. There are blisters on his lips.
Tony Stark has a huge, sunken scar on his sternum where the arc reactor was removed and his chest aches each time he takes a breath. He has callouses in odd places–so does the whole team, really–and there is a permanent bald spot on the back of his head where it has been cut open every time he gets thrown around in his suit.
Spider-Man sometimes forgets which way is up–if you put him in a room with identical walls, floor, and ceiling, he couldn’t tell you which is which. His hands and feet are prickly to the touch, even through his costume. He is very nearsighted.
The Scarlet Witch has no sense of boundaries; if you can’t tell she’s spying on your thoughts, why should she stop? She doesn’t do it out of any malicious intent, just out of curiosity and convenience. She never loses arguments.
Thor speaks about events that happened thousands of years ago as if they were last week. Cats arch their backs and stare at him. Something about him–his eyes, or his skin, or the way he moves–seems slightly off, like he doesn’t belong on Earth at all.
stuff like that.
The people of Wakanda, all people of Wakanda, are just ever so slightly more. A little stronger, a little naturally smarter, an edge more graceful. Vibranium infuses their country,the water they drink, the food they eat.
T’Challa hears the songs of his ancestors in all his dreams. He wanders the grasslands at night, and finds relief in the peacefulness under the stars. If it weren’t for the people he loves, it would be hard to convince himself that he has to wake up again. It shows in his eyes sometimes.
I just imagined Tony rolling into a meeting on a scooter with a cup of bubble tea late like “sup idiots” bitternessTM but then
I imagined a tapioca bubble just shot up his straw and hit the back of his throat so he started choking and it ruined the effect
LMAO but can I make it Heelys for added crack???
Tony slides into the conference room on his heels, wheels whirring and shoes flashing yellow and red lights. “Sup, idiots,” he says, one hand clutching a cup of bubble tea and the other holding his phone, which he is tapping at rapidly with his thumb.
Steve scowls. “Stark, the world is in danger! Can’t you take this seriously?!”
“Sorry, I can’t hear you over how seriously I was taking it when I was trying to tell you that it was coming and you all thinking I was paranoid,” Tony tells him, and takes a slurp of tea obnoxiously.
Steve almost feels sorry until Tony makes a terrible hacking sound. “What the fuck.”
Natasha slams a fist into Tony’s back as she walks past him. “Should have stuck to Starbucks.”
Tony hacks up the tapioca pearl. “I had ten caffeine pills for breakfast because I haven’t slept in three days.”
Natasha looks vaguely horrified but also impressed. “Honestly surprised your heart is still beating.”
“You know it’s quite possible it’s not? Or it’s beating so fast I can’t tell,” Tony admits, turning his attention back to his phone.
“Who are you texting?” Clint asks snidely, leaning his cheek on his hand. “The entirety of the US armed forces? The president?”
“I’m playing Iron Flaps. It’s like Flappy Bird except it’s Iron Man.” Tony takes another obnoxious slurp of his bubble tea and chokes again.
Sam looks pale. “Someone take that away from him before he actually dies.”
“‘s what I’m trying for, my man,” Tony says, giving him a finger gun with the hand holding the tea. “Because if I’m dead I don’t have to worry about this. And if I choke on a tapioca pearl it’s an accident and not suicide.”
“He’s technically correct,” Vision admits. “Although one might argue–”
“Shhh, let me live–HIGH SCORE, BITCHES!” He shoves his phone in Wanda’s face, then brings it back to start a new game. “Anyway if any of you have any ideas that don’t include me that would be great because I’m actually busy.”
“Tony,” Steve begins, appalled.
Tony tilts his head. “Oh. And also I hate you. So. Please consider that when you come up with a plan.” He takes one last obnoxious slurp, doesn’t choke, and then flings the cup so it smacks into Steve’s head and explodes milk tea and tapioca pearls all over him, Sam, and Wanda. “Well, it was terrible seeing you and I actually have a fucking job so bye.”
Natasha watches him leave, heelies whirring and flashing, and tries not to laugh, because he’d clearly only shown up so he could throw bubble tea at Steve. Steve still looked a little shell-shocked. She figured Tony had gotten his point across.
And because I link bubble tea with outrageous fashion glasses for some reason:
And also:
((and I forgot what outfit I first drew Tony in))
You forgetting what outfit he was wearing originally just means he threw bubble tea at Steve twice. (And he fell for it. Twice.)
like honestly yall understand how important it is that rhodey basically does.not.give. a flying fuck about steve’s military status like hell rhodey probably doesnt even see him as a fellow soldier; i love the headcanons of rhodey & steve (&/or bucky) engaging in healthy air force vs army banter but like ??? rhodey probably doesnt even consider steve an actual military person ??? much less someone ??? superior to him ????
I see that and raise rhodey being like “he didn’t even earn his title tony. they gave him it. tony. TONY. TONY YOU’RE NOT LISTENING.”
lets keep going on this; imagine young rhodey getting invited to a dinner with the stark family & having to endure howard stark going on for hours about his Honorable Army Soldier Friend Steve Rogers who was just about the Epitome of A Good Soldier & rhodey going absent-mindlessly like “but wasnt he just given his title tho?” & tony nearly choking on his water bc of the look howard gives rhodey later; rhodey doesnt catch on it & he continues “yeah i mean, i just learned all of this recently but he was basically given the title so it sounded pretty when he toured in that fancy, colorful outfit” & like, they all sat mute in the dinner afterwards
re: rhodey first meets the avengers post battle and steve is obviously gearing up for a Big Speech but before he even opens his mouth rhodey is just “so like, is it an army thing?” and steve is just like “what?” “every time you throw a punch at a fake actor you get a rank.”
But omg even more though, Rhodey having the other WWII soldiers on high regard and like going on longwinded rants about them every time somebody talks about Captain America. Like “Captain America marched into the base and -” “Yeah that’s great but DID YOU KNOW THAT GABE MCFUCKIN JONES CAUGHT ARNIM ZOLA THOUGH?? LIKE, did you know about the real MVP?”. And dinners at the Stark household are horrible because Howard has all these stories about Steve but Rhodey knows them all and jumps in with counter points about the other soldiers who fought their way through and didn’t have the serum. Any time the 200 Hitler punches are mentioned Rhodey twitches and Tony leans back with a muffled laugh because there goes Rhodey talking about war propaganda and OMFG MR. STARK CAN WE TALK ABOUT LITERALLY ANYONE WHO HAS ACTUALLY PUNCHED THE GUY INSTEAD OF AN ACTOR?! AND HE GOT A RANK FOR IT, LIKE DO YOU EVEN KNOW WHAT IT TAKES TO –
Tony tries to record it the fifth time it happens. It’s the only video involving his dad that he likes.
Now I need 2.5 hours of Shuri and Tony competing for who has the best footage of disastrous experiments going All Kinds Of Wrong But The Explosion Was Awesome ™
upon learning Shuri is 16 in Black Panther, I quietly revise all my original shipping plans from “adults” to “Shuri is a hopeless baby lesbian with a crush on every single Dora Milaje and soon a big useless enormous crush on MJ, who is like a semi competent but mostly just grungy bisexual with a super popular twitter account that Shuri is obsessed with and MJ is s t o k e d about everything about Wakanda and tweets that she’s doing her senior research project on Wakandan tech and T’Challa, who follows his baby sister’s online crush’s twitter so he can forward Shuri the most embarrassing tweets that will make her furious (“YES BROTHER I DID SEE THAT SELFIE AND I DON’T NEED YOU TO REMIND ME OFF IT”), is like “this is the moment I was born for. This is why I became king” and tweets MJ like “we’re doing youth outreach, come to Wakanda, my very talented and smart and accomplished sister will give you a personal tour :)” and MJ and Shuri simultaneously die”
the Dora Milaje prepping for MJ’s visit by giving Shuri different and conflicting romantic advice until Okoye tells them it is against their sacred duty to torment the princess into a crush-induced panic attack because she cannot decide between her top twelve outfits and cool confident quips for making a good first impression
MJ meanwhile with Peter is repeatedly punching him in the arm because he just told her that he met T’Challa and she’s furious this hasn’t come up before, and also he’s Spider-man, but that’s not nearly as important as KING T’CHALLA WHAT, DID HE TALK ABOUT HIS SISTER AT ALL, MJ’S BEEN FOLLOWING ARTICLES ABOUT HER FOR YEARS AND SHE SEEMS DOPE AND CUTE AS HELL
Shuri, so excited and nervous that 10 percent of her attention is freaking out about how she can smell MJ oh no she smells so good, and 70 percent is on trying not to jitter so hard she thrums into a new plane of existence (and then the remaining 20 percent for figuring out cold fusion, nbd): HELOO M-UH-MMM- MICHELLE. DO YOU PREFER TO BE CALLED MICHELLE AND WELCOME TO MY BEAUTIFUL COUNTRY OF WAKANDA. WOULD YOU LIKE TO PHOTO WITH IT FOR YOUR INTERNET FRIENDS. I AM SHURI. YOU MUST KNOW THAT ALREADY. HAHA MY BROTHER TOLD YOU ABOUT ME. I WILL MURDER HIM.
MJ, who has spent the last ten minutes hiding in the bathroom applying deodorant to basically every non-face part of her body because she can’t stop sweating oh my god stop sweating you’re sweating on a three hundred year old chair in a sitting room in a palace in fuckin WAKANDA, and who is so stressed that she’s transcended the human for and is now astral projecting somewhere behind her own body, distantly pitying this new york punk gremlin who thought Formal Plaid was a good idea talk to a real ass honest to god genuine princess with a beautiful smile holding a small cat robot that she hand designed this afternoon on a whim: dope. I love murder. call me MJ
So I was watching this new gameshow called “child support” and basically someone tries to answer questions right to win money if they get one wrong a child can save them if they know the answer (it’s a great funny game)
Anyway…one of the questions was ‘At MIT, if a student completes courses in archery, fencing, pistol shooting and sailing they can become a certified what?’
The answer was PIRATE !!!
Now all I can think about is Tony in his MIT days finding out this little fact and thinking hell yeah I wanna be a certified fucking pirate and so he completes all the courses, with the best and highest scores the school has ever seen, and also like of course he knows how to shoot a pistol and sail a boat, he’s a bloody Stark for christ sake!!! But he also wants a pirate buddy and he so he drags Rhodey along with him to each course and Rhodey my man, he beats Tony’s highest score in pistol shooting and his archery skills are on fire but Tony doesn’t mind coming second to his Rhodey bear and then finally!! They get their certificate/award and Rhodey looks down at it and is like
“Tones!! You never said we were training to be pirates, I would have learned the sail boat knots better!! Man I can’t believe you” but Tony just looks at him and shakes his head all with this massive smile on his face and then just whispers to Rhodey “we’re fricken certified pirates buddy” and then he and Rhodey burst into a fit of giggles because whilst it was fun pretending to be Captain America and his howling commandos that stopped being cool when they were five, but pirates? PIRATES?? YOU’RE NEVER TOO OLD TO BE A PIRATE
(also some time later when Tony finally meets Fury he’s a little jealous of the eye patch cause he could never pull it off himself and he always makes jokes about Fury being a pirate until one day the avengers are battling on a massive ship and they eventually win but they’re way out in the ocean and just wanna get home so Steve eventually takes command of the steering but then in their coms Furys voice is loud and clear for all to hear “Rogers this is the one and only time I’ll say this, but Tony Stark is more qualified to get this ship back to homeland…Cap’n Stark take the wheel” everyone’s faces are bewildered especially when Tony answers “Aye aye Sir” and commands the steering like he was born to do it, when the avengers ask why him?
Tony’s already got his pirate certificate out and proudly holding it up whilst getting Jarvis to take a photo of him and sending it to Rhodey with the caption ‘finally our time for pirating has come’
andtheytoldustotellyouhello 