Okay, but what if not all mutations (a la X-Men) are actually helpful? The powers supposedly come from an evolutionary mutation, after all, and some of those hit dead ends – not everyone ends up ‘the fittest.’
And what if this is actually the explanation for Peter Parker’s extraordinarily bad luck? He actually is a mutant, but he has a terrible power that only causes him pain and grief, and the only reason he’s still alive is because he got those spider powers. And no one’s figured it out because they’re distracted by the spider powers and don’t notice that the luck is literally unnaturally bad.
I was talking to my sister about this, and she put forth the suggestion of Peter getting a mutant power suppressant collar put on him and I just… that would be amazing? Like, no one knows where Peter’s powers came from for the most part, we’re got all these mutants running around, it wouldn’t be a stretch for some anti-mutant jerk to just assume that he’s a mutant, catch Peter, and toss him in with all the other mutants they’ve captured for whatever purpose.
Cue Peter announcing to the rest of the captives “Don’t worry, guys, I’m not actually a mutant – my powers still work just fine!” and breaking everyone out. Except, as they get farther and farther into the escape, Peter starts getting more and more concerned because. Nothing is going wrong? At all? This has been shockingly easy? Everything’s going according to plan? What? By the time they’re out the door, Peter’s started actively trying to distance himself from the rest of the group and be annoying and unlikeable, because this is too long without something going wrong, someone’s going to die if this keeps up.
But no one dies. They get back to the X-mansion with minor fuss, Professor X runs some tests because Peter’s freaking out and it turns out, oh, you actually were a mutant, your power is just the worst power ever.
Peter: “Soooo… what I’m getting out of this is, if I keep wearing this collar, I won’t have such constant crappy luck?”
Professor X: “Well ideally it would be best if you learned more about your power now that you’re aware of it and-”
Peter: “Sorry, just remembered that you wouldn’t let me join your super-team so I don’t have to listen to you byeeeeeee~!!!”
And he makes it home in time for supper and life just gets better. Though Peter keeps getting surprised by stuff. Ex:
Peter: Wow, I haven’t stepped in gum in, like, a week. Weird.
MJ: That’s… actually pretty normal for most people?
Peter: What, seriously? Wild.
(snorts) A+ additional content, can’t stop picturing Peter somehow acquiring more of those suppressant collars, so he can learn how they work and build either build himself a new one if the first one he gets breaks or stream-line the design to make it more comfortable and less obvious to wear, because he is high-key Not Going Back To That.
It would also be interesting to see peoples’ reactions to that sort of thing, especially if this is in one of those universes where normal people know at least vaguely about the suppressant collars, not so much from a superheroing standpoint (he can always wear the thing under his costume and just say “yeah, trying a new look”) but from people in school.
‘cause I can see that covering a wide spectrum of reactions, from the people who have no idea what it is and think it’s just some new ‘look’ to the people who do know and approve (because that’s the ‘responsible’ thing for a mutant to do) to the people who think it is high-key disgusting that he’s wearing that thing for various reasons (either under the impression that he’s being played by the system or forced to wear it (I’m not saying MJ is ready to cut someone when she first sees it, but hoo boy, I’m not saying she isn’t, either)). If even a small fraction of the school knows about those collars, wearing it in public means he’s basically come out as being a mutant, and that news will travel fast, it’s high school.
The thing is, though? It’s also happening in a situation where Peter’s supernatually bad luck isn’t in play, and it’d be really interesting to see this play out in a situation where the worst-case-scenario isn’t automatically the most likely.
Also it’s canon that mutant suppression collars cause terrible headaches, so Peter could potentially solve that problem
Oooh, yeah! And if he can’t do it on his own, it’s also canon that he knows a magical surgeon who could potentially help him figure it out!
Peter: EYYYY, DOCTOR STRANGE! My favorite doctor-type person! Help me figure out how to make these stop causing migranes so I never have to take it off again, pretty please? I’m not quite sure which bit of me head it’s causing to hurt.
Dr. Strange: (is so shocked that someone’s asking after his medical knowledge as opposed to his magical knowledge that he’s halfway through a consultation before he realizes what he’s doing)
museum curator, watching steve waltz into the smithsonian, the memory of having the stolen cap america authentic howling commando era uniform returned dirty and ridden with bullet holes still fresh in their mind: hide the VALUABLES
steve, reaching over the rope to poke at something on display: it’s my goddamn stuff???
I’M SAYIN’, every single level of management at the Smithsonian must have had an extensively well-documented migraine after dealing with the colossal shitshow raised by such thrilling items as “sock (woolen)” pulled from the pack of one “Rogers, Steve G., 1918 – 1945 lol whoops he’s back″
like i said in my initial reblog… all the people building stories out of this make me laugh with delight, but smithsonian & dc museum people adding their tags give me LIFE
… also steven grant rogers would be KIND and COURTEOUS to the front-line museum staff and not ask them stupid questions and you will pry that headcanon from my cold dead hands thankyouverymuch
oh steven grant rogers is KIND and POLITE and CONSIDERATE to front-line museum staff, he will politely move himself to the side so he doesn’t cause traffic issues if he gets recognized and a couple kids want pictures, he apologizes to security for causing a scene (he didn’t mean to! he thought his baseball cap disguise would work, bless him). he returns his maps (sweet and so unnecessary but then one of the volunteers can take a map captain america used and will probably sign for them back to their grandkids so that’s nice). the docents LOVE him; he’s both a Nice Young Man and also from Back in Their Day.
the collections and conservation staff however have sworn a blood oath of pure vengeance against him and nothing he ever does will change their minds. the textile conservator (we’ll call her lorraine) who had to restore the old captain america suit spent THREE YEARS OF HER LIFE on that stupid thing and it’s still too unstable to ever exhibit again. lorraine went through FIVE INTERNS, two of whom CRIED ON HER. she had to spend a fourth year making a replica because everyone was writing their representatives that the captain america suit wasn’t on display and they MADE HER DO IT.
like if steve thought any debrief in wwii he ever had sucked lol try lorraine, who has given up trying to catalogue what the fuck happened to that piece of shit suit and finally tracked down his cell phone number after six months of this hell project out of sheer bloody mindness and desperation and tricks him into her office through a series of absolute goddamn lies about idk public programming or some shit that steve might actually care about and then corners him and makes him give her a play by play of what, exactly, the fuck he did to that suit.
cuz, okay, listen. blah blah save the world blah blah, but steven grant rogers* stole a priceless museum artifact, bled on it, set it on fire, dropped it into the potomac, dragged it (WHILE WET) through river mud and god knows how many plants and bugs and microbes, got melting plastic and metal and shrapnel and other people’s body juices and skin and hair embedded in it–the only reason he lives is because he can give the full and accurate account of what the fuck he did to it and answer questions of how the fuck it can be slightly, slightly unfucked. not saved! not made to look like it was! certainly not able to be put on a mannequin and exhibited again! but like she can get some more of the mud and that chunk of charred plastic out maybe. otherwise, lorraine would have murdered that dumb bitch in a fit of justifiable rage, and no amount of charming “sorry ma’am”s would fucking save him.
I think I can finally put into words why the actions of most of the heroes in Infinity War bothers me so much.
It’s because they ring so very hollow.
There is a selfishness in the actions of so many of the heroes that is … disappointing even if it is understandable on a certain level.
We have Vision, a being of logic and possessor of the Mind Stone itself, who despite everything that’s happened decides that it’s perfectly fine to turn off his transponder and go dark to meet up with Wanda. There’s no consideration as to what could happen if he was/is needed and is unable to be reached.
Then we have Steve Rogers, Captain America himself, who says the words “we don’t trade lives” after he was willing to trade numerous lives and relationships to help one man. (And Bucky’s innocence isn’t in question here, what Steve was willing to do in order to hide the truth/protect him is) Steve who moved the battlefield to Wakanda in order to try and save Vision and, in turn, traded the lives of numerous Wakandans for a chance that, in the end, didn’t even pan out. Steve who says “we don’t trade lives” but obviously means “we don’t trade our lives”. Steve who loses in the end anyways with Bucky crumbling away to dust despite everything and everyone he sacrificed on the alter of saving his oldest friend.
(And that’s not even counting how Wakanda itself was portrayed in IW)
There’s Rhodey who shows us the depth of his heroism in Civil War by looking at his injuries, at all he’s sacrificed in the face of what he considered right and said ‘yes, this was worth it, my pain, my loss, was worth it because we did good’ only to have that moment stolen from him by the narrative having him backtrack on his stance. Even if this can be chalked up to his worry over Tony disappearing there were other, better, ways to frame it. Ways that would have shown his worry and his fear and his willingness to work with whoever he had to in order to get his best friend back without re-framing his outlook on things.
And we have Wanda who despite railing against Stark’s selfishness and willingness to destroy for his own greed and ego cannot even entertain the idea of losing Vision no matter the losses others will surely pay. Wanda who rails about the death of her parents and the destruction of her home country but cannot fathom putting the rest of the universe first. Wanda who refuses to act until she’s staring down the barrel of a gun named Thanos and then it’s too late.
There’s Peter Quill who promises Gamora one thing and then cannot deliver. He loves her and can’t bear to hurt her and that’s understandable. It’s just unfortunate that in doing so he also invalidates her choices and leaves her to the one fate she never wished to face. Dying for Thanos’ goals, sacrificed by his twisted version of love.
Even Thor who chooses revenge over a direct kill. Who wastes an opportunity to take Thanos out in one blow in exchange for the chance to make him suffer.
Infinity War shows us the selfishness of so many of the heroes and then juxtaposes them against the unselfishness of the others.
Peter Parker who goes to space only because it’s the right thing to do. Because he wants to help, wants to be a hero and save people. Because he sees something going wrong and he can’t not try and help.
Gamora who is willing to die to keep Thanos from reaching his goals but is murdered instead as a part of those goals. His twisted version of love validated in a way even as she protests it.
Tony Stark who sees his worst nightmare laid out in front of him and faces it head on. Who is willing and ready to die right then and there to keep the Time Stone out of Thanos’ reach.
Stephen Strange who has his sworn duty but sets it and his own life aside for a chance to settle Tony into the correct endgame.
And what happens to most of the unselfish heroes besides Tony?
They die.
Infinity War shows us heroism on the deepest levels and then it kills them for it.
god im just thinking about how much going to public school in the MCU would’ve made me hate captain america. every time i got caught giving some bitch the finger or writing on bathroom walls or ditching class or stealing books from the library cause i got a fine or what have you, and then they gave me lunch detention or ISS and i sat in that dumbass eraser-smelling room and im in My Chair (the chair i always sit in and yell at anyone else who tries to take it), fuming, arms crossed, full of teen angst and hating everyone around me, and AGAIN had to watch this stupid fucking video ive already seen so many times that i know it by heart and every word grates on my eardrums and i’d just see this fuckin familiar face
and i would be ready to LOSE MY SHIT
Villain Origin Story
god imagine Steve giving Peter his Captain America is Disappointed in You face/lecture over something dumb and Peter just fucking dissociating and zoning back in to “Peter! Are you even listening to me???” and looking him in the eye and being like “I’m completely immune at this point. You can’t even touch me.” and walking the fuck away
canon.
the real reason why Peter agreed to fight cap at the airport
Okay but Ego was super impressed about hearing that Peter could hold an Infnity Stone, even for a couple minutes, and said he had to be his son, had to be a Celestia to survive that.
Well Jane was possed by one for a few day, so who the Hell is she related too?
Low-key, since she a Peter are basically the same age, I’m gonna headcanon now Ego got busy with some other Earth lady (you can say Ego loves Meredith, but I mean, cheating is a thing, and how much love do we really think that psycopathic planet really had in him). And, also, like, her mom died of cancer in the comics when she was nine, just like with Peter in the movies, I’m just saying. They’re totally half siblings, fight me.
An explanation for why Yondu didn’t go pick her up along with Peter though, is maybe he told Ego he’d only pick up one kid at a time (since Ravagers apparently aren’t even supposed to deal with kids at all), and then while he had Peter, figured out what was happening to Ego’s kids, so obviously didn’t go back to Earth at any point to have gotten her.
This theory is incredibly intriguing. Now I’m trying to remember if we ever learned anything about Jane’s father….
Only, I think, that he was friends with Selvig, and (maybe) a scientist too (in the comics he’s a plumber),
But I dont think its a stretch to imagine Jane’s mom could have thought she’d never see Ego again, and when she ended up with another guy, that guy was around for her and Jane, and became Jane’s father and who she called dad regardless of blood relation.
(Ive been thinking about this theory non-stop since I thought of it last night. Could you imagine how dumb Odin would feel realised he didn’t think a Celestial was worthy of his Son)
Considering how Odin treated his own second son and underestimated him at everything, it’s definitely not something he would have anticipated.
My goodness, does it make sense though. Jane Foster as half Celestial. I’m taking this theory now. That’s incredible. That would also make her and Peter Quill half siblings. Peter Quill would have a sister haha.
Could you imagine after everyone found out and they’re just looking between Peter and Jane like “how?”
But also, I think Jane would be the younger sister, and we know Peter’s all about Classic Family Tropes (Play catch with his dad lmao) so he’d totally be all over Thor when he finds out they used to date, like “Don’t even look at my sister dude, you lost all privilege when you broke her heart!”
“she broke up with me!”
“You abandond her to go planet hopping!”
“Because your girlfriend dad was trying to murder the universe!”
(Nebula and Loki in the back ground like “i hate this family so much”)
You know what cracky trash AU I could totally be down for? Hela using up a massive amount of her power and smashing back through whatever awful place Odin banished her to, so… like… she’s still magical and clever and strong, but her power level has been wrecked to “normal Asgardian” levels at least by breaking free. Maybe lower.
So, Hela breaks back into Asgard and tries to steal some of Odin’s treasures to make up for her slowly regenerating powers, but she can’t manage it. Too many guards on the vault or something. So, out of her mind with pain and fury, Hela steals Odin’s “true” treasures instead: kid!Thor and kid!Loki. (Hela has never forgiven her father for marrying that peace-loving witch of a woman. I hc Frigga as Hela’s step-mom, btw. (link to that post))
By some insane order of events, Hela manages to get away from Asgard with the equivalent of, like, a 13-yr-old Thor and a 10-yr-old Loki. Only… what the hell is Hela going to do with them? Use them as hostages? She’s weak enough that they can basically dogpile her to keep her from doing things and it works, and they’re such clever know-it-all shits. The only thing Hela can really do with her magic right now is hide them from Heimdall and his Sight, she can’t access the Bifrost, and she has no idea where they ended up. She was busy running for it while being chased by all of Asgard, thanks, and now her shitty asshole little brothers aren’t even bothering to pretend to be scared of her.
It’s bad enough that the bigger one keeps trying to fight her (even weakened to that of the average civilian, Hela is warrior enough to kick his ass, although the lightning trick is fucking annoying, she can’t taste her tongue), the smaller one with the decent grasp on illusion magic keeps trying to stab her in any and all sides while she’s distracted.
While arguing and fighting on this unknown planet, the three of them eventually stumble into Big Trouble of some kind or another. (What’s this? Vulnerable children of the All-Father? Yum.) Hela and her kid brothers have to put aside their differences to run for their lives. (They’re her hostages, damn it, she can’t let them die or call for help.) Through another insane order of events, Hela, Thor, and Loki end up on the run through the galaxy, accidentally getting involved in multiple plots, coups, revolutions, heists, and parties across multiple planets while trying to respectively evade the Asgardians also chasing them or get home. They leave so much chaos in their wake.
(Loki: “HE started it!”
Hela: “I don’t care who started the revolution! I’m ending it!”
Thor: *scoffs* “With what powers?”
Hela: “Shut up! You! I told you not to drink that stuff, but noooo-”)
Seriously, give me the trashiest, most crack-filled, wildest Kidnapping-Turned-Runaway-Road-Trip (turned Babysitting Gig from Hell) of a depowered Hela and her know-it-all hostages little brothers while some of the galaxy’s Biggest Bads try to catch the All-Father’s children while they’re vulnerable. Give me all the absurd, horrifying nonsense of a group of disaster gods screaming their way through surviving monsters.(At some point, kid!Loki stabs Thanos or someone equivalent in the ass. Because I need that to happen. It’s the highest point of Thanos that Loki could reach while the dude was threatening his brother. Thanos didn’t have much time to care about this though, because Hela soon stabbed him in the face like ten times for threatening her little brothers hostages.)
Give me all the bonding and a surprising amount of character development too, though. Hela has to come face to face with what Asgard’s conquering has done, without the power to be able not to care, and Thor realizes what his heritage is built on. Loki gets revealed to be a Frost Giant at some point, but his siblings still love him.
It’s beautiful, especially the part where all three siblings roll back into Asgard and 13-yr-old Thor (who has never had any decent taste in siblings in his life) is covered in ashes and blood but proudly like, “What up, we’re back. My murderous secret sister Hela is good-ish now and I love her!!! I love my Frost Giant brother too!!! Even if he looks like a weasel and eats garbage.”
(Loki: “We were all eating garbage! You ate more than I did!”
Hela: “Ugh. I surrender already. Can I shower yet?”)
holy fuuuuck i want to see M’Baku’s reaction to Wakanda taking part in the Olympics
he would hit. the. fucking. roof. t’challa would start hiding out in shuri’s lab because otherwise M’Baku would be lying in wait for him around every corner, ready to loom over him and bellow about the shame of it, the shame of participating in this disgraceful Western farce run by corrupt bureaucrats and denigrated by colonial governments who force their athletes to cheat, this abomination that achieves naught but squandered resources and the enrichment of the few at the expense of the many.
then when t’challa says that, ‘well, fine, I understand and respect your feelings brother, perhaps the Jabari could stage an act of peaceful protest by refusing to participate? :)’
and fucking smoke issues forth from M’Baku’s nostrils and his eyes turn blood-red and he roars at the top of his lungs that how dare T’Challa try to humiliate his people by suggesting that they not be counted among the top sportsmen in the world, there will be recompense for this insult!!!!!!!
and then he storms off and tells his best warriors to start training right the fuck now before he has them all flayed, and a few months later the Jabari have won gold medals in every event
‘pah. these trinkets mean nothing,’ says M’Baku, wearing seventeen of them
Ok but consider: Nakia wreaking absolute havoc on the Olympic Committee in a series of devastating board meetings and equally devastating outfits
What? You’re used to having indentured servants build the arenas because they have to work off their citizenship sponsorship? That’s cool, Wakanda will sponsor visas for literally all of them right now so we can pay them a fair wage and they can work for the civil service after the games. Oh we need to talk about the supposed ~issue~ of trans athletes? Don’t worry, Wakanda drafted legislation protecting trans and two-spirit people centuries ago, just sign here :)) sweetie :))) Yes Thank you we’ll take the IOC’s money the exit is this way
And you better believe they would not let those announcements happen in French. Like. I mean maybe Nakia would be nice about it to their faces but there’s no WAY they’re gonna make anyone listen to that colonizer language, so Shuri is in charge of tech for the games and OOPS something goes wrong with the microphones so that any French is automatically translated into Wakandan, sorry Mr President what a silly mistake I can’t i m a g i n e how that happened
Meanwhile the Dora Milaje have all won at least two medals each, except Okoye, who is nominally on guard duty with T’Challa but is actually watching Wakanda kick the world’s ass from the best seats in the stadium and cackling
andtheytoldustotellyouhello 