I reblog this every time I see it, because the part that makes this so horrific to me, is that the room is a direct callback to Goodnight Moon. It takes this memory of safety and security and turns it directly upside down and I love it.
I had to pee really bad and o forgot that I had just sliced jalapeño peppers and the chef is looking nice at me weird because I’m pouring milk on a rag and running to the bathroom
My dick has been on fire for over an hour
I told my chef what happened and he was like “you only make that mistake about fourteen times”
He tells me this story about this time he had gotten out of a chili class in which he had been cutting habenjero peppers all class and he goes back to his dorm and starts finger blasting his girlfriend and she stars SCREECHING.
She he fukin SPRINTS to the dorm prep kitchen and gets a gallon of heavy cream and runs back to the room. He starts pouring this shit all over her Cooze right, and she’s like shoveling cream into her hole. And he’s freaking out. Like he’s so sure that this chick is don’t with him forever.
So they deal with this thing and the cream works and he’s like massaging it into her pussy for like a half an hour because you have to constantly soak it to nullify the habenjero oils or whatever. And she gets INTO IT.
She fucking CUMS
And my chef tells me this stupid ass story and looks me in the eye and says to me
“Nothing says I love you like a gallon of heavy cream in her pussy”
And I think that’s the best sentence I’ve ever heard in my entire life.
Yes good story but WHY IS IT IN LIKE 8 DIFFERENT PARTS DO YOU KNOW WHAT PARAGRAPHS ARE.
ITS THIS. YOU COULD HAVE DONE THIS.
SOMETIMES PEOPLE ARE AT WORK AND CANT POST EVERYTHING AT ONE TIME FUCK OFF
All jokes aside though Peter meeting Harley at some point would be so fucking funny like he probably spent months trying to figure out whether he was annoying Tony with his texts only to find out that some little asshole down in Tennessee has been
sporadically
tagging Tony in facebook shitposts over a three-year period and when he finds them he’s like “Mr Stark not to be rude but what the actual fuck”
what’s new pussycat just started playing in this restaurant and every millenial in the room shared a knowing, fearful look
It’s fucking Tom Jones? Millennials are you too stupid to realize that Tom Jones is the reason some of you exist? (Think about it for a second, you’ll get it)
Mentions of Domestic Violence + Strong Language Warning!
{Hope you enjoy! This ended up being a bit short, so, sorry!}
The Maester trailed behind Ramsay, stuttering as he attempted to dissuade the Bolton. “My Lord, the Lady is quite weary, perhaps it’s best-”
Ramsay glared coldly over his shoulder, his mouth set in a firm line. “My Lady is none of your concern. Nor is my offspring. Your purpose has been served, now, stop pestering me.”
The Maester nodded once, frowning to himself.
Everyone knew of Ramsay’s penchant for strong male heirs, particularly his insistence that the Gods would bless him with a healthy son. Though Ramsay had never been devout, he’d exhausted every prayer, every blessing he could buy, all to ensure that the child in her womb would be a male heir.
andtheytoldustotellyouhello 