Sometimes my brain is a weird, silly place, so I’m sorry for this. But I had this vision of Thanos coming back to Earth and everyone still alive desperately trying to fight him, but backed into a literal corner with no hope of survival. And then, faint at first but getting louder and louder… “Guess who’s back, back again, Shady’s back, tell a friend…”
And Tony and Nebula roll up in a spaceship with their own alien army they blackmailed into their service, because hey, desperate times, and they kick names and take ass, all to the immortal lyrics of Slim Shady because the chorus of that song would fit the situation-“Now, this looks like a job for me, so everybody just follow me, cause we need a little controversy, cause it feels so empty without me.” And Tony, Nebula, and their army wreck shit and kill Mr. Scrotum Face, and Tony takes the Soul Stone and releases all the souls that were trapped inside (I don’t know how the stones work, I just watch the MCU then read the fics you guys write to fix everything) and he tells the Spiderboy they are taking a vacay to travel the galaxy with Nebula and the Guardians. “Let’s not come in tomorrow. Let’s just take a year.” And he’s in the middle of commandeering Rhodey as his first mate when Captain Sanctimonious huffs over to ask how they’re supposed to take care of the destruction they’re standing in. And Tony says, “Why ask me, Rogers? I thought you were the expert when it came to destroying things,” puts his sunglasses on CSI:Miami style, and moonwalks away.
Sometimes day dreaming is nice lol
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I AM SCREAMING
Tag: fucking protect tony stark
consider: au where tony gets fed the fuck up by howard comparing him to steve and just decides “u want me to be captain america? SURE THING” and just. makes his own suit (light and armoured so he can actually take more than one hit) and his own shield (its not vibranium but it’s good enough for him, it can bounce once or twice and can do some serious damage) and just. goes out and fights crime like that.
he gets on the news, he’s in a mask so no one knows who he is and. Howard is Pissed he thinks its so fucking rude for someone to “take” cap’s image like that so tony doesn’t tell anyone, but keeps doing it because it’s fun and he’s helping people and sure maybe this started as a way to spite howard but it very quickly becomes more than that.
he stops when he moves out to malibu because he is a fair distance from LA and captain America is really more of an east coast thing.
and then he’s iron man and he’s his own superhero but this time its less about the rush or helping people or giving howard the biggest middle finger ever but the desperate need to fix things and, he doesn’t forget about it, but it does feel… unimportant. kind of silly, even.
and then Steve, the real captain america, is defrosted, and for some reason, SHIELD shows him the old articles and rare footage of the vigilante cap. of Tony, even though no one knows it was him.
(well, coulson probably knows. He did find Tony’s old prototype shield, after all, but if he does, he hasn’t said anything.)
And, well, its not like tony ever pretended to be the real cap, he’s still way too short for that, doo differently built, and he expects a lot of reactions from Cap but pride? of this person he doesn’t even know is currently sitting beside him?
he’s not expecting that.
(Steve thinks it’s fantastic that this person took up the mantle as a genuine way to help people. He especially thinks it’s great because the fact that this guy running around in a home-made cap costume, punching muggers in the face and getting punched right back, so completly and visibly human, swearing when he gets hit a little too hard, made people a little less star-struck upon meeting him.)
(the student from Boston and the kid from Brooklyn were never that different)
And. It’s not like he’s keeping it a secret at this point either? Everyone already knows he’s iron man the fact that he was a small-time vigilante when he was a kid is going to surprise exactly no one.
But he also doesn’t tell anyone. Just kinda goes “oh hey peggy almost certainly knew, coulson probably knows and so does fury, they probably told Steve) except. No, steve does not know.
Also the vigilante thing? Almost no one outside of Boston knew about it. It was a Boston Thing. The only reason howard, back in New York knew, is because he’s more than a little obsessed with all things captain America.
So when Steve joins the team? Oh yeah he’s gonna dig out his box of old stuff because hey, that outfit shield made him? It sucks. Tony’s certainly isn’t going to fit steve but hey, he can still use the design/materials, and the magnetic shield recaller doesn’t really need any adjustments to fit.
(Of course, tony had a lot more tech than that, like bracers so he didn’t break his hand punching somthing stronger than he was, maybe some sort of rudementry HUD? But Steve doesn’t really need any of that)
(He also had a motor bike. Hey, he had to get around somehow.)
(He should not have been allowed to have a motorbike)
And sure, this is a fun AU. It’s not that angsty
yet. But, Tony’s still going out to fight criminals and he’s still extremely, painfully, human. He’s gonna get hurt. He’s gonna get hurt a lot.And, maybe the reason no one figures it out is because he’s not exactly the most loved person on campus. He gets beat up a lot even without seeking out fights. He comes back with a black eye and bruised ribs? Rhodey’s gonna sigh and help him out but he’s not gonna ask because unfortunately, this is normal.
(The larger wounds, tony takes care of himself. The one time, before he upgraded the costume, someone pulled a knife and managed to open a slice down his arm, he stitched himself and told everyone who asked it was an accident with some sheet metal.)
(The few concussions, he pretends to have come home from a party very, very drunk. Everyone buys it.)
(Fortunately, no one ever tried to shoot him.)
(The armor wasn’t bulletproof quite yet)
ROWAN NO
IM NOT GONNA MAKE IT ANGSTY I PROMISE THIS ONE IS SAFE
for nowBut I feel like they find out bc it’s Halloween. And there’s a party. And costumes are mandatory. No, they don’t figure it out because he shows up in his old cap suit. (He’s bulked up a little since MIT, but unfortunately he’s still mostly the same height, so it still fits.)
They find out because the party gets attacked and instead of trying to get into a suit he just. Goes at it as-is. Everyone is confused tony what the fuck where did you learn to fight like that how are you doing that with the shield what-
And then there’s many questions about why he had a cap suit specifically designed for someone who does not have super strength.
#hes not quite the battle ballarina cap is#but hes fast#and not above grabbing random shit and using it as a weapon
Okay so basically Peggy knew and went “okay if my godson is gonna run around like Cap might as well teach him to fight properly?” and then taught him how to disable a man with nothing but a paper clip and a high heel?
#too good for this world #too pure
Listen, after the whole debacle with Ultron settles, Tony actually goes and sees the satellite footage of however many combat missions Rhodey had flown by now as War Machine.
He then pays a top-notch editor a ton of money to produce a video montage of the War Machine story, including never before seen footage of Rhodey from Tony’s personal archives.
The next morning, he makes a rare appearance on Good Morning America and just says, “I came here because it’s gonna be the fourth of July soon and I wanted to honor one of America’s finest. A true hero in every sense of the word, who has gone above and beyond the line of duty for his country and his friends. I’ve brought some footage with me.”
By this point everyone is expecting a cheesy video montage honoring Captain America but instead, boom, the 5 minute 32 seconds clip about Rhodey airs instead – including an aerial shot of him dropping the tank in front of the General’s palace with an underlying soundtrack from Die Hard.
And later, Rhodey is sitting his dumb ass in a conference room full of senior air force and army personnel, all of whom are watching the video because it’s become a viral hit already. Everyone is talking about War Machine – America’s newest hero. Meanwhile, Rhodey is doing his best to keep his composure and to blink back tears, when his phone goes off. It’s a text that reads: Got room for a gold titanium alloy sidekick, Honeybear?
andtheytoldustotellyouhello 