as a kid i always thought gotham was in michigan because i thought it was a midwestern city like chicago, and there was always shit going down at the pier or in abandoned factories and if michigan has anything it’s a lot of piers and abandoned factories. anyway turns out it’s probably in jersey.
other good reasons for gotham to be in michigan:
one of the most heavily forested states in the country with 20 million acres of forests oh my god poison ivy would be so powerful the second she got outside city limits fuck
there’s 20 million acres of this and she’s got plant powers no wonder they want her on lockdown
there are more than 6,000 shipwrecks in the great lakes how many supervillain origin stories is that good for
“63 commercial ports handled 173 million tons of cargo in 2006″ aka holy shit that is a lot of opportunities for boatcrimes
mr freeze has a pretty tragic origin story but if you had to put up with michigan winters and then some motherfucker showed up freezing the town outside of freezing season you would have no mercy
MOTHERFUCKER I JUST PUT MY SNOWBLOWER IN STORAGE DO I LOOK LIKE I NEED THIS SHIT RIGHT NOW
imagine batman giving someone directions by pointing to his hand
“we believe killer croc is somewhere around here” he says pointing to the tip of his thumb
good fucking luck finding stats on abandoned buildings in michigan but holy shit are there a lot of them, no wonder they’re always having fights in abandoned factories and empty warehouses
“kitty why are you including that map of the railroads like it’s relevant” because when you’re trying to sleep and you hear a train in the distance it’s fucking spooky okay
i have no evidence that traincrime is an issue for batman i’m just saying the ambiance is there
our most famous abandoned theme park is dinosaur themed so I GUESS WE KNOW WHERE HE GOT THE T-REX
we have a special kind of ice cream called superman ice cream and i think bruce would be really bitter about it and that’s hilarious
there are nine different species of bat in michigan and they have all lived in my kitchen at some point
michigan is full of mines both abandoned and active and bats love them
put an abandoned train station next to and abandoned mine and you have a totally plausible CRIMEZONE
and none of this is getting into the most compelling evidence
put a city in michigan and watch how fast no one gives a fuck
gotham, MI needs batman because who the fuck else is going to help
batman please save us from the cops and the state government
I always thought that Gotham was Chicago and Metropolis was New York City.
that’s what i thought but apparently metropolis is new york during the day and gotham is new york at night which means the dc universe has three new yorks which i think even new yorkers can agree is too many
when i was a kid i used to slide down the slopes made by snowplows on my stomach which i feel is relevant to the penguin
there’s always a ton of cars from the 30s driving around gotham which makes perfect sense if it’s in michigan because that’s when we made cars and we’re not over it
rick snyder and his emergency managers are basically supervillains and i want batman to punch them
michigan is closer to kansas which means bruce can visit clark’s parents and then they’re emailing clark about what a nice young man he is and there’s nothing clark can do about it
if someone said that a city in michigan had been hijacked by an evil clown that was only stopped when a man in an animal costume kicked him in the face would you even blink
this is meadow brook hall in rochester mi
this is the charles t fisher house
here’s the james scott residence
welcome to michigan hope u like houses with turrets and fucked up clowns and evil men poisoning the water
author’s note: got like this super random idea and did my best to try to make it work cuz it was like one of those ideas that sounded really cool but was like really hard to write. maybe i just found it difficult cuz i’m like half asleep rn idk
“Don’t do that”, “don’t touch that”, and “go to med-bay right now immediately” are just some of the phrases Bruce pulls out regularly. He uses them more with his adult Justice League teammates than with his teenage partners. He has his kids trained.
His teammates just… learn to bring issues to him? Batman did not encourage this, and no one told them to. But after you spend time around Bruce, you just. Kind of gravitate towards him sometimes. He’s intimidating, sure, but he’s not dangerous unless you’ve done something worth his wrath.
Bruce [typing at the Watchtower consoles, Flash leaning on the wall next to him, munching on a Costco sized bag of potato chips and explaining his Issues]: “Have you tried talking to Cyborg about this?”
Heroes have literally come to Bruce for financial advice and help with their taxes (at this point: Clark, Barry, Vic, Diana, and a very annoyed Hal)
Baby heroes are SO SCARED of him at first. Catch those same baby heroes a few years later whining as Bruce detours to the kitchen to grab them lunch before taking them straight to med-bay.
Tim is cackling at his fellow Titans getting manhandled and the lectured. Finally, he gets to watch someone who’s not a Bat deal with this.
Also: reporters will try to small talk heroes post-mission like they’re regular celebrities and not superhumans/aliens in colourful spandex. One corners Diana and Barry and asks, tone teasing, if there’s a ‘Mom Friend’ in the League.
“Mom Friend?” Diana asks, winding up her lasso absent-mindedly.
“The responsible one. The sensible person who makes sure nobody gets themselves killed. Who acts, y’know.” Barry makes a gesture in the air. “Like a Mom.”
“Oh,” Diana says. “So Batman.”
Barry shrugs. “Yeah, Batman.”
The reporter’s mouth falls open. “Batman?” Under her breath, she whispers, “Batman is the Mom Friend?”
For the rest of the week, the internet is swept up with: THE BATMAN IS THE MOM FRIEND. Everyone who’s not a hero or a Gotham resident (because the Bat being the Mom friend is not a surprise to his rogues tbh – they’ve seen more than one iteration of Robin (and, once, Nightwing) hide under his cape) is shocked. It’s a meme. The Batman: Dark Night, bringer of justice, vigilante, mom friend.
this is my new favorite. i will read it EVERY DAY.
The real reason Bruce Wayne keeps training kids is so that there’s eventually a gradually cascading order of vigilantes protecting Gotham. When you defeat one, there’s a slightly smaller one just behind, ready to pick up the slack.
andtheytoldustotellyouhello 