So there has been a bit of “what if humans were the weird ones?” going around tumblr at the moment and Earth Day got me thinking. Earth is a wonky place, the axis tilts, the orbit wobbles, and the ground spews molten rock for goodness sakes. What if what makes humans weird is just our capacity to survive? What if all the other life bearing planets are these mild, Mediterranean climates with no seasons, no tectonic plates, and no intense weather?
What if several species (including humans) land on a world and the humans are all “SCORE! Earth like world! Let’s get exploring before we get out competed!” And the planet starts offing the other aliens right and left, electric storms, hypothermia, tornadoes and the humans are just … there… counting seconds between flashes, having snowball fights, and just surviving.
To paraphrase one of my favorite bits of a ‘humans are awesome’ fiction megapost: “you don’t know you’re from a Death World until you leave it.” For a ton of reasons, I really like the idea of Earth being Space Australia.
Earth being Space Australia
Words cannot express how much I love these posts
Alien: “I’m sorry, what did you just say your comfortable temperature range is?”
Human: “Honestly we can tolerate anywhere from -40 to 50 Celcius, but we prefer the 0 to 30 range.”
Alien: “……. I’m sorry, did you just list temperatures below freezing?”
Human: “Yeah, but most of us prefer to throw on scarves or jackets at those temperatures it can be a bit nippy.”
Other human: “Nah mate, I knew this guy in college who refused to wear anything past his knees and elbows until it was -20 at least.”
Human: “Heh. Yeah everybody knows someone like that.”
Alien: “……. And did you also say 50 Celcius? As in, half way to boiling?”
Human: “Eugh. Yes. It sucks, we sweat everywhere, and god help you if you touch a seatbelt buckle, but yes.”
Alien: “……. We’ve got like 50 uninhabitable planets we think you might enjoy.”
“You’re telling me that you have… settlements. On islands with active volcanism?”
“Well, yeah. I’m not about to tell Iceland and Hawaii how to live their lives. Actually, it’s kind of a tourist attraction.”
“What, the molten rock?”
“Well, yeah! It’s not every day you see a mountain spew out liquid rocks! The best one is Yellowstone, though. All these hot springs and geysers from the supervolcano–”
“You ACTIVELY SEEK OUT ACTIVE SUPERVOLCANOES?”
“Shit, man, we swim in the groundwater near them.”
Sounds like the “Damned” trilogy by Alan Dean Foster.
“And you say the poles of your world would get as low as negative one hundred with wind chill?”
“Yup, with blizzards you cant see through every other day just about.”
“Amazing! when did you manage to send drones that could survive such temperatures?”
“… well, actually…”
“… what?”
“…we kinda……. sent……….. people…..”
“…”
“…”
“…what?”
“we sent-”
“no yeah I heard you I just- what? You sent… HUMANS… to a place one hundred degrees below freezing?”
“y-yeah”
“and they didn’t… die?”
“Well the first few did”
“PEOPLE DIED OF THE COLD AND YOUR SOLUTION WAS TO SEND MORE PEOPLE???!?!?!?”
My new favorite Humans are Weird quote
“PEOPLE DIED OF THE COLD AND YOUR SOLUTION WAS TO SEND MORE PEOPLE?”
aka The History of Russia
aka Arctic Exploration
aka The History of Alaska
Being from Alaska, this was sort of how I felt going to college in the lower 48′s and learned that no one else had been put through a literal survival camp as a regular part of their school curriculum, including but not limited to:
1. Learning to recognize all forms of animal tracks in the wild so you can avoid bears and moose and search out rabbits and other small animals to eat.
2. Extensive swimming and climbing on glacial pieces with competitions to see who could last the longest, followed by a group sit in the sauna so we wouldn’t get hypothermia (no, not kidding, I really did this many times as a kid!)
3. How to navigate using the stars to get back to civilization.
4. How to select the right type of moss from the trees to start a fire with damp wood (because, y’know, you’re in a field of snow. Nothing is dry.)
5. How to carve out a small igloo-like space to sleep in the snow to preserve body heat and reduce the windchill so you won’t freeze to death in the arctic.
“I’m telling you, I don’t think we need to worry about territory conflicts with the humans. You know all those deathtrap hell-worlds in the Argoth Cluster?” “Those worthless rocks? Yeah.” “80% of them are considered ‘resort destinations’ by those freaky little primates.”
“I’m telling you, they terraform for fun!” “Don’t be ridiculous” “No, seriously. Some of their most celebrated cultural loci are built on swamps. They have an entire city that is literally in a body of water. Not, like, an artificial pontoon city, they literally sunk the foundations into water. For Grilp’s sake, they build elaborate structures out of frozen water AND THEN SLEEP IN THEM.” “Dear Thilak. Think we could get them to terraform our moons?” “Psh, they’d probably pay for the privilege.”
Eventually, it occurs to someone that humans are the perfect terraforming shock troops, as it were. They think it’s fun to be sent to horrible planets! They’re really good at surviving and then taming them! All you have to do is sit back and wait until the planet is habitable, and then move there yourself! It’s genius.
It only takes one try before the reality of the situation sets in: human definitions of ‘taming’ and ‘habitable’ are woefully incomplete.
“Why did you not eliminate the venomous plant life?” Grahssk’ti moans, clutching one limb.
“Those?” The human laughs. “Why bother? They’re not that bad. And they eat the mosquitoes.”
Grahssk’ti shudders. The ‘mosquitoes’ are… not to be mentioned. Just one swarm of them caused a landing shuttle to crash three planetary daylights ago.
“And the acid storms? Why did you not warn us of them?”
“I mean, they’re annoying,” the human says, shrugging, “but we figured the cool sunsets made up for it.”
Grahssk’ti flails helplessly. “What about the ten-meter tall Fanged Death Bringers? They can eliminate an entire settlement in under an hour!”
“They’re so cute!” the human says, brightening. “Have you met mine? Her name is Spot!”
Humans are told of some planet or region of space that is considered “completely and utterly inhospitable – it would be folly to try and settle there.”
Without fail, a decent number make it a point to settle there because “Fuck You That’s Why.” It doesn’t matter how uneconomical it is, how difficult the conditions are, how utterly ridiculous it may seem, there will be at least one human who will attempt to do it only because someone else regardless of species says it is improbable or WORSE impossible.
“This moon is still forming as such it is primarily soft – by that I mean most of the magma is close to the surface and-”
‘OH BADASS you mean its like Mustafar right!?!?!?! I’m totally going to build a castle there.’
“What. I mean. There is NO fertile ground there whatsoever. No ecosystem. It is molten rock and minerals only.”
‘Which will make my castle there look METAL AS FUCK am I RIGHT!?!??! Come on. COME ON. I TAUGHT YOU HOW TO FISTBUMP COME ON.’
“….you….you are going to die, you know this right?”
‘I’m getting the feeling you don’t want to come to Lava Castle for some reason?’
“Listen, lad. I’ve built this kingdom up from nothing. When I started here, all there was was molten magma. All those aliens said I was daft to build a castle on a molten planet, but I built it all the same, just to show ‘em. It sank into the magma. So, I built a second one. That sank into the magma. So I built a third one. That spontaneously combusted, turned to ash, then sank into the magma. But the fourth one stayed up. An’ that’s what your gonna get, lad – the strongest castle in this solar system.”
“I’m gonna need for you to explain ‘hurricane parties’ to me again. You humans have the technology to track these apocalyptic storms of wind and rain and predict where on the landmass they’ll hit up to a week in advance. And you…have social gatherings during them?”
“Well yeah, but only up to about Category 3 strength. Then it’s time to pack the car and head inland for most people, although a few hardy souls stick around and ride them out.”
“Oh good. Category 3 is what again? Winds up to 75 kilometers per hour?”
“No no, Category 3 starts at 175 kilometers per hour. You left off the one.”
I’m sure I’ve reblogged some version of this before, but I needed the STRONGEST CASTLE IN THIS SOLAR SYSTEM on my blog.
I had a biology teacher that told us this story about an octopus at an aquarium in Australia. The staff were concerned because their population of crustaceans kept disappearing. No bodies or anything. So they checked the video feed to find out what’s up.
Across from the the crustacean tank was a small octopus tank. This little fucker squeezed out of a tiny hole at the top of his tank, walk across the hall, and get into the crustacean tank. He would then hunt and eat. After he was done, he crawled back out and get back in his tank
Here’s the kicker: security guards patrolled the area. The staff realized that the octopus had memorized the security’s routine. It would escape and be back between the guards’ round.
My friend who worked at Henry Doorly Zoo in Omaha, Nebraska had a similar story. Rare fish were disappearing, they suspected theft, and so set up a camera. An octopus was unlocking the top of its tank, walking across the suspended walkway, unlocking the other tank, eating his fill, re-locking the other tank, then re-locking its own tank.
I can’t remember what zoo this happened at, but there was another octopus somewhere who was unscrewing a water valve in the room where its tank was located and routinely flooding the place. The staffers had no idea what it was until they filmed the octopus caught in the act.
RELEASE THE KRAKEN!! But, sir, it has already released itself!
My dad worked in a lab and one of the rooms had a tank with an octopus in it. If they didn’t go play with the octopus he got bored and would climb out of his tank and steal the paperwork off the desks, and drag stuff into his tank to let the scientists know he was upset with them.
Octopus: “What, like it’s hard?”
I didn’t even have to suspend disbelief with Finding Dory for the octopus scenes, because they were all 100% plausible.
those scenes are just Factual Footage of What Octopuses Do
You know, I want to be scared of octopuses but I can’t help but think that they’re so dam cool. Sorry terror, my sense of wonder wins out.
I would be scared if like, wasps or hippos had this level of cunning but I trust octopuses
They won’t harm us they just wanna live in their Ocean Home
Knowing all this has made me decide not to eat octopus anymore tho for the same reason I wouldn’t eat a person or apes…I do not feel right eating something this intelligent…
also, if you’re worried about octopodes taking over, remember that their natural lifespan is limited to 3 – 5 years for the longest-lived species, because once they hit sexual maturity their digestive glands shut down and they die (the males soon after mating, the females after brooding & hatching)
For Trinitas Kunashe, like many girls in Malawi, getting her period was unexpected, unexplained and a burden for her everyday life. Often, girls who do not have access to pads prefer to stay home and out of school for the duration of their periods.
But Trinitas is changing that with her amazing new invention:
Made from bright and comfortable locally-sourced fabrics, Tina Pads are a hit amongst girls in her community. They are waterproof, practical and fun – and most importantly reusable.
Determined to make sure no girl is forced to miss school because of her period, Trinitas is a passionate believer in the power of education to change lives.
I get so happy when i see people reblogging this version bc i had to dig through dozens of thousands of reblogs on mobile to make sure people find out about this incredible project… The world needs this!
Reusable pads should be a thing in our societies too because the regular ones are a big enviromental problem.
if you were previously homophobic but realize you were wrong: that’s ok, u are learning if you are struggling with internalized misogyny: that’s ok too, keep fighting to overcome the sexism that society perpetuates if you were accidentally trans phobic but are fixing it: great, we need everyone on our side if at any point u were wrong and are trying to fix it: we accept you and we were all there. keep working to be a good person
Yes. Not everyone is born liberal. Many people are raised by racist or homophobic parents. Not their fault they end up that way for a little while. Ya just gotta learn eventually.
There are 3 bullet holes in my room. One grazed my arm. I am writing this post from the hospital.
I live in an apartment with my mom and my 9 year old sister. Our neighbors are drug dealers and have been terrorizing us since they moved next door. They fought their dogs in our yard. They shot my moms car windows out. They verbally threatened to assault my mom. And tonight, our apartment was caught in their crossfire. About 5 bullets penetrated our apartment, there were a total of about 30-40 gunshots I heard in all. 3 of those bullets entered the apartment right next to my bed, where I was sitting then the gunshots began. If I hadve ducked even 10 seconds later than I did, I would’ve taken 3 bullets to directly to the torso.
We have reported their activities to police three times, and all three times nothing was done. None of the officers even went over to their apartment to ask any questions. They always came in, stayed for a few minutes and listened, then left. I even showed them video evidence of the dogfights they’d have in our yard, which i would insert here but it is too graphic to show and I don’t want my identity out there. and still nothing was done.
We cannot live like this any longer. We need a new home. My mother is an entrepreneur and makes our living solely on ebay. She does well, but we still do not have any money leftover and things are always tight. I don’t have a job, I quit my job to take care of my aging grandmother who lost mobility about three months ago. We need a miracle. I am too afraid to go back to that place. I don’t know what we can do, but money talks and if we can put enough money down, we can get a small rent to own house in a better neighborhood. On top of this, I don’t have health insurance, and the bill for my er visit is looming.
Please. I saw my sister scream “I don’t wanna die” as my arm bled and I held her to try to comfort her as the shots were still firing. I don’t wanna see that again. We cannot stay here and wait for something worse to happen. If there’s any way anyone can help us, even $1, please please please I am begging you, find it in your heart to do so. And even if you can’t or don’t want to, if you’re from the u.s., help us by using your voting power to get these fucking guns off the streets and out of the hands of people like the ones who nearly killed me today.
My paypal email is brittanyb1996@gmail.com
Thank you so much for your time, and god bless.
Guys, this post has slowed down quite a bit, and we’re so so close to getting the down payment for the house, we’ve talked to the company and with my mom and my money combined with the money we’ve raised we’re only $250 away from the initial payment to move in! If you can reblog please help! It’s very much appreciated! My mom and I appreciate everyone who’s sent messages and reblogged and donated we really do. We’re soooo close to this we’re soooo close
we were denied from 4 companies we tried to rent from because my mom has a bankruptcy on her record, and the 5th company increased our down payment by almost $1000 after we were approved. I’m really exhausted and going to sleep every night looking at these bullet holes is mentally exhausting. i jump at every loud sound now and all of us are afraid to stay here. now whenever my sister hears a loud noise she immediately drops to the floor and we can still hear gunshots every single night. i am so tired. my arm is healing but this whole thing has been deeply traumatizing and having to continue to live in this apartment only deepens and extends the trauma. i wanna get out of here so badly and so does my mom, it’s physically eating her up to have to live with me and my sister at risk of dying every night. she doesn’t sleep anymore in favor of watching us in case something happens. we need to get out of here. no one can live like this and be expected to do basic functions. not to mention our landlord has literally done nothing to his shitty apartment. we don’t even have a working tub or shower and our ceiling caved in literally 10 months ago and he still hasn’t fixed it. not to mention he hasn’t even offered to come patch up the bullet holes. and part of the reason we’re short of the down payment is because he gave us an eviction letter and we had to fork over $800 to him to avoid being put on the streets, and this was even after the shooting. we have gotta get out of here I can’t take much more of this. I really am starting to lose hope for good. please I hate living here i hate this please help
andtheytoldustotellyouhello 