I just imagined Tony rolling into a meeting on a scooter with a cup of bubble tea late like “sup idiots” bitternessTM but then
I imagined a tapioca bubble just shot up his straw and hit the back of his throat so he started choking and it ruined the effect
LMAO but can I make it Heelys for added crack???
Tony slides into the conference room on his heels, wheels whirring and shoes flashing yellow and red lights. “Sup, idiots,” he says, one hand clutching a cup of bubble tea and the other holding his phone, which he is tapping at rapidly with his thumb.
Steve scowls. “Stark, the world is in danger! Can’t you take this seriously?!”
“Sorry, I can’t hear you over how seriously I was taking it when I was trying to tell you that it was coming and you all thinking I was paranoid,” Tony tells him, and takes a slurp of tea obnoxiously.
Steve almost feels sorry until Tony makes a terrible hacking sound. “What the fuck.”
Natasha slams a fist into Tony’s back as she walks past him. “Should have stuck to Starbucks.”
Tony hacks up the tapioca pearl. “I had ten caffeine pills for breakfast because I haven’t slept in three days.”
Natasha looks vaguely horrified but also impressed. “Honestly surprised your heart is still beating.”
“You know it’s quite possible it’s not? Or it’s beating so fast I can’t tell,” Tony admits, turning his attention back to his phone.
“Who are you texting?” Clint asks snidely, leaning his cheek on his hand. “The entirety of the US armed forces? The president?”
“I’m playing Iron Flaps. It’s like Flappy Bird except it’s Iron Man.” Tony takes another obnoxious slurp of his bubble tea and chokes again.
Sam looks pale. “Someone take that away from him before he actually dies.”
“‘s what I’m trying for, my man,” Tony says, giving him a finger gun with the hand holding the tea. “Because if I’m dead I don’t have to worry about this. And if I choke on a tapioca pearl it’s an accident and not suicide.”
“He’s technically correct,” Vision admits. “Although one might argue–”
“Shhh, let me live–HIGH SCORE, BITCHES!” He shoves his phone in Wanda’s face, then brings it back to start a new game. “Anyway if any of you have any ideas that don’t include me that would be great because I’m actually busy.”
“Tony,” Steve begins, appalled.
Tony tilts his head. “Oh. And also I hate you. So. Please consider that when you come up with a plan.” He takes one last obnoxious slurp, doesn’t choke, and then flings the cup so it smacks into Steve’s head and explodes milk tea and tapioca pearls all over him, Sam, and Wanda. “Well, it was terrible seeing you and I actually have a fucking job so bye.”
Natasha watches him leave, heelies whirring and flashing, and tries not to laugh, because he’d clearly only shown up so he could throw bubble tea at Steve. Steve still looked a little shell-shocked. She figured Tony had gotten his point across.
And because I link bubble tea with outrageous fashion glasses for some reason:
And also:
((and I forgot what outfit I first drew Tony in))
You forgetting what outfit he was wearing originally just means he threw bubble tea at Steve twice. (And he fell for it. Twice.)
andtheytoldustotellyouhello 