Could you write your Headcanons involving Batman being the Mom Friend or Mom Hero, please? It’s just so many people write Bruce as this brooding alone figure and I’m over here thinking of the dark knight making sure the Robins aren’t chilly in the Gotham nights

audreycritter:

captainkirkk:

This was hiding in my inbox, whoops!

• “Don’t do that”, “don’t touch that”, and “go to med-bay right now immediately” are just some of the phrases Bruce pulls out regularly. He uses them more with his adult Justice League teammates than with his teenage partners. He has his kids trained. 
• His teammates just… learn to bring issues to him? Batman did not encourage this, and no one told them to. But after you spend time around Bruce, you just. Kind of gravitate towards him sometimes. He’s intimidating, sure, but he’s not dangerous unless you’ve done something worth his wrath. 
• Bruce [typing at the Watchtower consoles, Flash leaning on the wall next to him, munching on a Costco sized bag of potato chips and explaining his Issues]: “Have you tried talking to Cyborg about this?”
• Heroes have literally come to Bruce for financial advice and help with their taxes (at this point: Clark, Barry, Vic, Diana, and a very annoyed Hal)
• Baby heroes are SO SCARED of him at first. Catch those same baby heroes a few years later whining as Bruce detours to the kitchen to grab them lunch before taking them straight to med-bay.
• Tim is cackling at his fellow Titans getting manhandled and the lectured. Finally, he gets to watch someone who’s not a Bat deal with this. 
• Also: reporters will try to small talk heroes post-mission like they’re regular celebrities and not superhumans/aliens in colourful spandex. One corners Diana and Barry and asks, tone teasing, if there’s a ‘Mom Friend’ in the League. 
• “Mom Friend?” Diana asks, winding up her lasso absent-mindedly.
• “The responsible one. The sensible person who makes sure nobody gets themselves killed. Who acts, y’know.” Barry makes a gesture in the air. “Like a Mom.”
• “Oh,” Diana says. “So Batman.”
• Barry shrugs. “Yeah, Batman.”
• The reporter’s mouth falls open. “Batman?” Under her breath, she whispers, “Batman is the Mom Friend?”
• For the rest of the week, the internet is swept up with: THE BATMAN IS THE MOM FRIEND. Everyone who’s not a hero or a Gotham resident (because the Bat being the Mom friend is not a surprise to his rogues tbh – they’ve seen more than one iteration of Robin (and, once, Nightwing) hide under his cape) is shocked. It’s a meme. The Batman: Dark Night, bringer of justice, vigilante, mom friend.

this is my new favorite. i will read it EVERY DAY.